Blessed morning
I awoke at 5 and got down to church at 6a. It was a routine morning fueled with the last thoughts I wrote about here yesterday. I was finding myself content with life here. A very good thing. Oddly, I started to make mistakes and it reminded me to keep sharp even though I felt contented.
i was thinking about my life here and I was a little freaked at how comfortable i felt. I pondered creating a life for myself 'out there' and the nature of that task. I felt weak and also arrested by the huge impact of how we really need to each build a life for ourselves. I thought about the fact that I have brought myself here to the monastery and I have made a life here. So kudos to me for having done that. I then thought about, maybe rejecting the idea (of living at the monastery) and that I would hope to makes life for myself 'out there'. What would that life be? What would be enough? I realized I am painting this picture of my life now and I will take pride in each step of the way. I have built this life at the monastery and if I wanted I could build a life 'out there'. The pride and appreciation (and not comparison to some random standard) each step of the way I'll do. The pride will carry me through..
.And that is creating a life indeed!:-
Replies
this talk of feeling comfortable in my space is important I think. I have come back to my room
and it was all just the way I like it - and I wasn't motivated to a darn thing else.
I know I must still go for my goals - I just was reminded of a phrase from the 80s and 90s
and that is to "stay hungry' - In my case that's manifesting as well in the phrase "don't get
too comfortable". I know I am feeling safe and cozy - but to keep moving ahead
I know I want to get things I want - like remodeling my cell - so that I have a small pot belly stove and open
up the ceiling and have
a sky light as well and a completely organized closet/storage place so that I don't need extra furniture.
So that I can spread out and paint if I like. I may feel like at times of satisfaction that it's wrong to want more
but I'm not buying that.
It's so much fun to decorate a place just the way you like
I love a pot belly stove
Nice idea's sweetie!
Thanks Janet!
Everybody’s got a hungry heart.
Song lyrics tend to pay in my brain when I am processing so much mentally.
I am behind on some journals and have been dealing with dilemmas of my own lately. But I so sense your quests for satisfaction and inner peace and comfort as you navigate the humans who surround you.
I have been thinking a lot about younger generations who are getting diagnosed on spectrums rather than mental illness at times….. and I often think in terms of generations and out variances and where might we learn from each other.
It’s interesting to think about how all my interactions can be met with some insights generationally and sort of takes the mental stuff out of the equation when I am not feeling at peace in amy given situation. There is probably some study or name to what I am describing but unsure what that is.
Are you still creating, Mark? Painting or crafting or collaging or playing music or singing or gardening or anything like that? Does anyone in your current situation lead anything of the sort? I think back to a service I went to where monks were creating sand paintings- mandalas full of color and deliberate movement of colorful grains of sand - tactile and calming.
Sending hugs.
Thanks Nikki!! I bought some art supplies!!