BITTERSWEET!

1-11-10:  I went to the cemetery yesterday.  It was cold and the snow was quite drifted...I almost got stuck.  I hadn't planned to go but "something" kept telling me I should. Once there I took my little soft whisk broom and broomed the snow off Scott's headstone and my mother-in-laws.  I keep that broom in my van just for cleaning the stones. Anyway, there was a laminated holiday card tucked between a vase and the stone.  I am amazed it hadn't blown away.  It was signed, with messages, by more than a dozen of Scott's friends.  I just start crying.  I just don't think he really understood how many people truly loved him.  Now these "kids" are all about 23-25 years old.  Several have gotten married and/or had babies since Scott died.  And yet, they continue to think of him and our family.  They are such an amazing group of kids! It was truly bittersweet.  I feel so blessed to continue to have these young people in our lives and even Scott's.  On the other hand it was just another cold, hard, slap of reality!   I don't understand how I can be feeling a bit better and then suddenly, in one moment, go back to the darkest of dark places!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

{{{hugs}}}} Scott has some wonderful friends. take it easy on yourself. love you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow! You know you were led to the cemetary to find that card. What a blessing it must have been for you to find it. Scott does have some amazing and thoughtful friends.
16 months later, I still go to the dark places in my mind someday\'s, but not near as deep and dark as it once was. Time is making a difference for me.
Hugs, Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you found the card and was uplifted by Scott\'s friends. How thoughtful of them to do this. I know each new day brings something different...sometimes the same old torment of grief...sometimes the newness of a kindness or sweet memory. My life\'s motto is now \"Expect the Unexpected\"....how ugly a truth...and yet, how beautiful at the same time. God bless you ....Dale...Brandon\'s Mom
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes it does sound like Scott lead you there to find the card and to be uplifted by all the friends that he had in his life...Hugs, Connie
KimRW
KimRW

Ginger, this card is such a loving tribute to your son and to your family. I\'m glad you were there to find it. I keep that same little broom in my car too for just that same purpose !! Amazing how much us mom\'s think alike !! Wishing you some peace, Love, Kim
BinkyH
BinkyH

Ginger, I am so glad that you found comfort in the card. Just the other day, I got an email from a friend of Michael who just recently found out that he had died. She said that she wondered why she had not heard from him for over a year. It is comforting to know that our children\'s memory remains alive not only with us, but with their friends. And oh how well I know of the \"dark place\". I was just telling my sister the other day about how it was where I was at in the beginning and trying to describe it, but of course, there are no words. And I pray that she never knows that place! While I still find myself going there sometimes, it is never as deep and dark as it was. Like Barbara said, time is making a difference and the memory of just how dark it was is slowly fading. Hugs, B
deleted_user
deleted_user

I too am glad you found the card. And it says a lot of your son that his friends think of him and continue to care. The \"dark\" place sneaks up on me from time to time, the bottomless pit of misery. And once I struggle to get out I seem to have a few good days. Even though it gets better, I don\'t think it will ever be gone, just not as deep. Hugs Kay
deleted_user
deleted_user

Such a blessing for you - to know how much he was loved Ginger - yes - it was a trigger - a painful moment - but you\'ve managed to get past these moments by being truly courageous through much more after his death - you\'re a survivor - I need to go -haven\'t gone since Oct. because of my health - but two very good friends of Shauns are watching it and tending to it for me. God bless you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Love to you my friend.. it is so nice when our children are remembered and loved...
deleted_user
deleted_user

Obviously Scott was well loved. It is bittersweet. I hoping the dark places are less lonely and last a shorter period of time now. We all still go there. Wishing you a better tomorrow. Love and hugs cathy
starfish
starfish

I know it is very painful. But I\'d rather have the connection than not...what a great bunch of friends. (((( hugs ))))