1-11-10: I went to the cemetery yesterday. It was cold and the snow was quite drifted...I almost got stuck. I hadn't planned to go but "something" kept telling me I should. Once there I took my little soft whisk broom and broomed the snow off Scott's headstone and my mother-in-laws. I keep that broom in my van just for cleaning the stones. Anyway, there was a laminated holiday card tucked between a vase and the stone. I am amazed it hadn't blown away. It was signed, with messages, by more than a dozen of Scott's friends. I just start crying. I just don't think he really understood how many people truly loved him. Now these "kids" are all about 23-25 years old. Several have gotten married and/or had babies since Scott died. And yet, they continue to think of him and our family. They are such an amazing group of kids! It was truly bittersweet. I feel so blessed to continue to have these young people in our lives and even Scott's. On the other hand it was just another cold, hard, slap of reality! I don't understand how I can be feeling a bit better and then suddenly, in one moment, go back to the darkest of dark places!