Bittersweet
Today has been a dare I say "good" day. I still woke up thinking about my baby and she was the first thing on my mind every moment of course but I thought of her smiles. My heart felt warmer.What is going on? Its been 3 months I shouldnt be ok ? On my drive home I looked up in the sky and for the first time in my life I was in awe of the beauty. I have never in my life had that feeling. Was it my Marissa showing me there is more? I am just very confused, dont get me wrong I would rather feel this way rather than they unbearable pain I have been feeling, its just that I feel guilty. Is this normal?
Replies
I am sure it was Marissa letting you know that all is okay. There is no timetable for grieving so hence, no need to feely guilty. Enjoy the beauty.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
This is what healing looks and feels like and it comes in just as you describe. Just when we least expect it a moment or perhaps more than a moment of some peace in the midst. It is needed and I know that I too felt those pangs of guilt as to what kind of mother was I the first time I realized that I had not thought about Douglas until \"after\" I had brushed my teeth. How could that be? I also remember the first time I heard the birds singing... Those are pivotal times and to be leaned into and cherished because if nothing more when the challenging days are upon you, you will remember just what you described and know that it is possible.
What you are experiencing and feeling is so very normal and just this \"new\" normal that is spoken of. Tiny baby steps into healing and remembering your Marissa, her smile is what slowly begins to happen. The cherished memories of our children\'s lives begin to wiggle into our beings and with that comes many feelings.
Grateful it was a day that you could navigate with a heart that felt warmer as you describe.It is such a gift, as none of us are meant to live in acute grief for a lifetime, yet just as Marlene said there are no timetables for our grief path.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) of care and so much understanding,
XO Joanie
Glad you had a good day...healing has started - long slow process. No need to feel guilty but we all do. Hugs, Ann
As one of our moms said my child didn\'t just die, she/he lived. Remember with smiles gives us such joy. How glorious these memories are for us. Peace, Kathy
You\'ve experienced a step forward in healing. Very normal to feel guilty. Can\'t tell you how many times I said Sorry Doug\". I believe Marrissa was with you, giving you live and encouragement. Enjoy these moments when you have them. Sue xo
Those moments you are experiencing is so needed and helps heal our heart..the guilt, well as MOMS I think it\'s always there..Hoping for moments of peace and comfort ... (((hugs))) Vicki
It is normal my friend. It is a roller coaster ride...so there are ups!! Always enjoy the good days and I am certain Marissa was showing you the beauty!!
A death so close to us changes us in ways we cannot seem to even begin to understand until much later. For me, healing took years (and is still ongoing) but these brief moments of wonder or beauty do give us a break from it all, if even for a short time. Please know that this is normal.