BITTERSWEET!

1-11-10:  I went to the cemetery yesterday.  It was cold and the snow was quite drifted...I almost got stuck.  I hadn't planned to go but "something" kept telling me I should. Once there I took my little soft whisk broom and broomed the snow off Scott's headstone and my mother-in-laws.  I keep that broom in my van just for cleaning the stones. Anyway, there was a laminated holiday card tucked between a vase and the stone.  I am amazed it hadn't blown away.  It was signed, with messages, by more than a dozen of Scott's friends.  I just start crying.  I just don't think he really understood how many people truly loved him.  Now these "kids" are all about 23-25 years old.  Several have gotten married and/or had babies since Scott died.  And yet, they continue to think of him and our family.  They are such an amazing group of kids! It was truly bittersweet.  I feel so blessed to continue to have these young people in our lives and even Scott's.  On the other hand it was just another cold, hard, slap of reality!   I don't understand how I can be feeling a bit better and then suddenly, in one moment, go back to the darkest of dark places!