bits & bobs...

i heard her weep.

tears......who do they belong to?

are they like rain?  do they offer a sweet release from the heavens as our eyes can no longer hold back the tides...

of pain, of loss, of loneliness, indifference.....

of love, joy.....celebration. life.

the rain comes down sliding onto the rocks like the droplets on our faces......the earth changes, grows, renews.  and so we must to.

rio is playing a favorite closet game.....it involves hiding in the shoe racks, knocking off as many as he can.  he may claim it simply to be an unavoidable cost of hide and go seek in closet world, but for the non bendy member of this little group that i comprise i am not superrrrr happy about this game.  i don't begrudge him the time, the game.....simply that he cannot or will not clean up....put the shoes back on the racks so there i am muddled at the loss of the rest of a pair and bumming over the idea of not only bending to the floor......which can be done in slow methodical deliberate fashion.....but it's the crawling on the floor that does not work here.  not readily, not well at all.  and yet, rio makes me laugh as he plays......crawling through his shoe jungle.

the call of nature doesn't allow as much time as well when i was younger.  it's on a quick speed timer and i must race as much as i can considering the slowness of this turtle shell.  so on this occasion i left my breakfast plate on the bed and fled.  annie was delicately enjoying my egg....both paws planted in the bowl like lip of the edge.....she remained demure and never rushed even when i clapped my hands and led with a sharp sounding "Annie No!"  .....good to the last drop.  and off she went to lick her eggy paws.  oh Annie.....

sam called.  he wants us to go see "Logan" this week-end.  i thought he meant his cousin but no......it's a new movie.  at least it's new to me.....from the wolverine series,  he said Hugh Jackman has been apprising this role for 17 years.  and i thought, my son is getting old......as if i am not.  funny brain cells ruthie bird, go look at the color of your WHITE HAIR! who's getting old?  i mean really!

something to look forward to.  i have not done so many things this week.  i am stronger but not exactly tripping the lights fantastic.  i could hear it in my voice talking to sam last night.  there was a lilt in the sound......alone i rarely speak aloud.  it's good to see some energy returning again.  very very good.  welcome.

and yet when i went to bring in my plate to the kitchen there was a pain in my back below my waist (right side) that defied logic once again.  where did it come from? how long would it last?  i allowed myself to pain pills.....and then noted minutes later that particular pain had dissipated......left.  why do they come?  where do they go when they leave?  do they bounce from home to home, down chimney after chimney without the happy joys of santa and toys?  are we sharing pain in ways more than we know?

it's overcast.  the birds are talking throughout the neighborhood.  sam says the temps will be back in the 60s/70's by sunday so he wants to get in a good ride......i envy him the bike rides.  i used to love to ride.....i would try to ride no hands all the way from the top of water tower hill to our family home time after time.  the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair......the feeling of freedom, flight, accomplishment of the human body......for i, little ruthie aged 10 could now manage to ride with no hands downhill for longer and longer stretches.  it was grand.  oh to be a child again.....i am reminded of Robert Louis Stevenson .....something about a child on a swing.....do you know of this poem?  i am straining to remember.....

hope you can embrace some sweet memories of childhood that lift your spirit today.  that life brings you moments of gratitude even as you struggle to move about the interior craft of your plane today.  remove the constraints of illness for a while and go to a place that brings you happy. 

love love love da da da da da........all you need is love.....love, love is all you need.

so i send you LOVE!!!!!!!!  let it carousel or pinwheel or somersault through your home, near your heart......bounce off the walls and ping away......pinball from one wall to another.  let it make a sound that lifts your heart and gives you ease....for that is what we are all about really.....sharing the human condition.

it hurts to continue.  so until next time i bid you adieu.

a wee southern sparrow