Bit of a rant
Am just finishing a bad bout...certainly not the worst I've had (no anxiety or panic attacks, thank the Goddess) but emotions through the roof, and long-lasting...5 days.
After March was so relatively nice, last week I started taking testosterone in attempt to revive my long-dormant libido. That was probably why this bout was so emotional and so long. Finally, though yesterday started with the usual struggle, the struggle was short, and the day was relatively calm, and I was exhausted but otherwise feeling OK.
The testosterone cream is applied behind the knee, and one must wear leggings or pants to cover up the area, especially since I have a 15 yr-old daughter; I don't want to accidentally rub the stuff on the couch or a chair where she might go and touch, ditto the cats. But tonight was unusually hot, (the weather, this time, not me!) and I didn't want to wear pants or leggings to bed. The loose, light pajama bottoms that I have for sleeping in the heat stop just below the knee, so they're constantly riding up, exposing the back of my knee to the sheets and the furniture. Thus, I took a chance and didn't do the dose that I usually do before going to bed last night.
It's now 3am (I started doing that wake-up-between-1and-4, go-back-to-sleep, wake-up-again-1-to2-hours-before-I-actually-have-to-get-up-and-not-be-able-to-sleep business again about 2 weeks ago). In a few hours, I have to get the teenager up, dressed, fed, and off to school, ditto the hubby, then I have an appointment to see my only friend who is actually here (vs. the ones available only by phone or internet). She is very, very busy working and travelling, so I only get to see her every two or three months, and the last time we were supposed to get together I was so menopausal that I had to cancel.
It's cooled off a little and I suppose I would be ok if I switched back to leggings so I can apply the testosterone, but I'm hesitant because frankly, I don't know. Which would have a worse affect on me: applying the stuff 7 hours late, or skipping a dose and doing tonight's dose a tad early?
I desperately want to see L, and I want to have a good time and not have it like the last couple of visits where it ended up with her administering therapy to me (she's a counselor). I'm thinking that maybe that's partially why she's gotten so "busy"; she counsels people all day, and when she goes out with friends, she'd rather not have to keep providing counseling (it IS possible, and very natural. I've been in situations where a friend was so constantly desperate and in need that continuing to see her was starting to evoke less of an "Oh, great!' reaction and more of an "Oh, no" one). As I said, she's the only friend I have whom I can actually hug, like my husband and child are the only family members I can actually hug.
For the record, I AM trying to get more friends, but when you can't drive, much less being stuck at home for days because you're menopausal, it's very difficult to get out, ditto do any planning to get out. I belong to 2 Meetup groups including the one I host (we have a meeting this Sunday...I hereby put in my request to be NORMAL) and there are people I say "hi" to, but I have very few Real Friends in my physical world. Again, I'm thankful for the ones I found here on this website.
Well, I've burped a bit, and am getting sleepy, so I'm going to bed to get what sleep I can. I will edit this entry at the end of the day so you'll know what happened.
After March was so relatively nice, last week I started taking testosterone in attempt to revive my long-dormant libido. That was probably why this bout was so emotional and so long. Finally, though yesterday started with the usual struggle, the struggle was short, and the day was relatively calm, and I was exhausted but otherwise feeling OK.
The testosterone cream is applied behind the knee, and one must wear leggings or pants to cover up the area, especially since I have a 15 yr-old daughter; I don't want to accidentally rub the stuff on the couch or a chair where she might go and touch, ditto the cats. But tonight was unusually hot, (the weather, this time, not me!) and I didn't want to wear pants or leggings to bed. The loose, light pajama bottoms that I have for sleeping in the heat stop just below the knee, so they're constantly riding up, exposing the back of my knee to the sheets and the furniture. Thus, I took a chance and didn't do the dose that I usually do before going to bed last night.
It's now 3am (I started doing that wake-up-between-1and-4, go-back-to-sleep, wake-up-again-1-to2-hours-before-I-actually-have-to-get-up-and-not-be-able-to-sleep business again about 2 weeks ago). In a few hours, I have to get the teenager up, dressed, fed, and off to school, ditto the hubby, then I have an appointment to see my only friend who is actually here (vs. the ones available only by phone or internet). She is very, very busy working and travelling, so I only get to see her every two or three months, and the last time we were supposed to get together I was so menopausal that I had to cancel.
It's cooled off a little and I suppose I would be ok if I switched back to leggings so I can apply the testosterone, but I'm hesitant because frankly, I don't know. Which would have a worse affect on me: applying the stuff 7 hours late, or skipping a dose and doing tonight's dose a tad early?
I desperately want to see L, and I want to have a good time and not have it like the last couple of visits where it ended up with her administering therapy to me (she's a counselor). I'm thinking that maybe that's partially why she's gotten so "busy"; she counsels people all day, and when she goes out with friends, she'd rather not have to keep providing counseling (it IS possible, and very natural. I've been in situations where a friend was so constantly desperate and in need that continuing to see her was starting to evoke less of an "Oh, great!' reaction and more of an "Oh, no" one). As I said, she's the only friend I have whom I can actually hug, like my husband and child are the only family members I can actually hug.
For the record, I AM trying to get more friends, but when you can't drive, much less being stuck at home for days because you're menopausal, it's very difficult to get out, ditto do any planning to get out. I belong to 2 Meetup groups including the one I host (we have a meeting this Sunday...I hereby put in my request to be NORMAL) and there are people I say "hi" to, but I have very few Real Friends in my physical world. Again, I'm thankful for the ones I found here on this website.
Well, I've burped a bit, and am getting sleepy, so I'm going to bed to get what sleep I can. I will edit this entry at the end of the day so you'll know what happened.
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