Biolodgic Past. Breaking It Down

Blame & Forgivness: Why is this the eaiest thing to put on someones back? It's been awhile before I've torn down my biolodgic past. I have a note from my biolodgic monther writen on my birth certificate. When I read it, I don't feel love, what I feel is blame for my father. Basicly blaming him for why I was given away. All I have is hear-say. I don't know who is at fault and to be honest, I dont believe I care anymore. I don't have money to hire someone to find them and I don't have too much information on either of them that would help me enough on that journy. For years I blamed myself for it. I'd blame her, Id blame him. Its a constant flip in my head and Its been very damaging. Its caused alot of self-injury throughout the years. However I got to a point where I figured out the only person I was hurting was myself. It's not a situation that I could have prevented. The question I struggle with is did they even love me? Or was I a lost cause that they just didn't want to deal with from the start? I've come to a clear rest in my head deciding and figuring out, as a baby I couldn't stop any of the problems that was going on. It doesnt matter what happend or who hurt who. The question is how do I forgive their recklessness?