BING! (Lightbulb over head)

I was discussing things online with a DS friend yesterday, (Dave) and had one of those thoughts "pop" into my head about what we were talking about, namely, "catching" our triggers for our negative thoughts. What came to me was, "IF"...., I start a thought with 'if', then it is probably predictive, and it is most likely the "negative roommate-in-my-head" about to provide some negative prediction to protect my heart (feeling of pain) by closing it by giving details about what may happen to hurt me with imaginitive thoughts and ideas. Like I said "IN DETAIL"! So when I catch myself thinking of 'details about something I might need to control, so I don't feel hulimiated or embarrassed for my "roommates" image-of-perfection', to teach myself to STOP playing along with the inner video-tape right away, instantly, in mid-thought. All it's trying to do is close my heart by creating fear that I'm not good enough to manage my feelings, that I'll be a "victim" to what other's (imaginary perfect standards I myself created to believe that are necessary to obey = "others") think and feel about me. It is the roommate in my head that DEMANDS perfection, not me. Once I stop listening to the threats of eternal doom and clamity I'll be fine. I'm really lovable, capable in most things, and useful in specific instances and behaviors. It's about getting used to stop listening to my roommate's predicitons of catastrophe for my needs to be better than I am right now. My belief (from my roommate) is that I somehow need to be better than I am or can be at this time of my development and spiritual knowledge; which, is impossible, since no matter how GOOD I am, I will still have room for improvement as long as I believe it is necessary. It is about ME changing my relationship to painful feelings about myself; that my beleifs are too rigid and extreme for accepting who I am by comparing myself to other selves externally. I cannot serve two masters, that's what makes me "bipolar". I choose to teach myself to stop my addictive worshiping of my critical roommate-self's advice or honorning "ITs" beliefs. I really beleive my identity is a hostage of the rules and assumptions created by my roommate of who I must be in order to accept myself apart from my roommate's beliefs. Those standards are imaginary, not realistic. I want to be more aware of the core beliefs of my roommate, that's where "the problem" really is!