biggest idiot

I might be the biggest idiot in the world. 
 
I still love her, I always have and its hurt me badly twice, yet I'd take her back in an instant. I'm not an idiot for trying, or even being wrong. I'm an idiot for trying, for taking the chance even when I have that gut, that solid fucking gut instinct that nothing has changed. 
 
I love her, but we will never work. She hides behind lies and work. I know I love her, and I cannot let her go. She caused me to try and kill myself once, and cut on many occasions. She is poison to me. But yet I love her and I am an idiot for still trying.