**BIG TRIGGER WARNING!**
I was so fucking humiliated...I was assaulted, and even though I resisted and said no, when he started fingering me (when he rubbed my clit), I actually started moaning and shit all loud. And that's how I learned to masturbate. And He stuck his tongue in my mouth...the only way he stopped, was he told me that if I gave him a kiss, he would let me up. I really thought he was going to rape me that night. He rubbed his dick on me...he licked me, sucked on my neck and breasts, he fingered me, he fondled me and grabbed on me....and he forced me to kiss him...and then that same night, he went into my kitchen, and I tried to make him leave. He said since I wouldn't let him touch me, I cant touch him. and the only way to get him to back into the den and stay (so I didn't get in trouble), was to block him with my body.....I got in front of him and stepped close to him, and he stated feeling on me and shit again....but he had to leave not long after....so I was saved.
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One time, he rubbed his dick in my face, trying to get me to suck it. Once, he pulled down my pants in front ass his younger brother while I was trying to leave (after he raped me). He lied and was telling his friends in the neighborhood that he had me sneaking in and out of windows. Once, he stuck his finger in my mouth. Once, after cumming on my stomach, like he always did, he let some drip in my pussy. Once, he tried to go in my but.....this was during the time I actually started to like it, and I started freaking out saying "no, no, no, no!" And he laughed and said ok and went back into my pussy....and I actually think I put my fucking arms around him.....I stopped fighting and let him fuck me.....we were stopped though that time, thank God....if he had came and I had to live with the fact that I had sex with my rapist..........Idk what I would do....one time, he was raping me, and I tried to push him off me the entire time, but then he did something at the end and it felt really good, and I smiled, and he was like "she likes it" and I caught myself and tried to push him off me...he was about finished though. One time, after raping me, he actually asked if I wanted to do it again....he wanted to keep fucking, but I didn't want it in the first place. I actually got used to him assaulting me....and before he raped me, when he would touch me and stuff, I wouldn't resist any more, until he started pulling down my pants. And when my friend came to live with me, he tried to get us over so he can have a fucking 3some. I DIN'T WANT TO FUCK YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You stole my fucking virginity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit, and then had the fucking nerve to say "see, that didn't even hurt...all that crying," after you fucking raped me! You're a fucking pussy ass bitch! And you got exactly what the fuck you deserved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me over and over. He fucked me over and over with no fucking condom. He nutted on me so many times....I don't even remember how many times he fucked me....I know I was raped more than 3 times, and I say less than 10, but it feels like he was raping me almost every week for the first month or two....It seemed like he raped me 1 or 2 times a week every week except on my cycle, for the first 2 and a half months or so.....he prob didn't, but he feels like it.........I say he didn't rape me more than 10 times, but what if he did? I got so used to laying on my fucking back, trying to push him off and failing, that I didn't even really try that much after a while. And Even to this day, if I'm alone in a room with a horny guy, and I don't have a way out, whether I want to our not, I will let him fuck....thank God I haven't been put in that situation hardly at all though.........and on top of that, I was almost raped again at SC State........And it's sad to say, but I wont be surprised if it happens again. I'm at a point where I don't care anymore though..........fuck me or not....rape me or not.....hurt me or not..........there's nothing I can do about it. I have no control over that shit, so why care? Why does it bother me that a man will use a woman however he pleases, and there's nothing she can fucking do about it?
This world is so fucking full of shit. And apparently I'm not worth much in this shitty world, because at one point in time, niggas wanted me so fucking bad that they raped me, tried to rape me, tried to buy me.......but now, nobody even tries to talk to me anymore. I can count on one hand, how many guys have tried to talk to me in the past 5 or 6 years...every since I gained weight...........so now, since food is the only thing I can actually control in my life....since my being fat is really my own fault, I am working hard to lose weight............and when I lose weight, guys will like me again...and I will be able to finally start dating again (or at least flirting, because relationships are a no-go)........but I know that I will also probably be raped again. I'm calm and quiet usually....I've been affected by trauma already......I have big lips and curves......and apparently my voice is nice too........I may not be the prettiest or even the sexiest, but I am a woman that men like to misuse.....I hate it, but there's nothing I can do. I can't do anything about/against a man that will take what he wants from a woman.
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One time, he rubbed his dick in my face, trying to get me to suck it. Once, he pulled down my pants in front ass his younger brother while I was trying to leave (after he raped me). He lied and was telling his friends in the neighborhood that he had me sneaking in and out of windows. Once, he stuck his finger in my mouth. Once, after cumming on my stomach, like he always did, he let some drip in my pussy. Once, he tried to go in my but.....this was during the time I actually started to like it, and I started freaking out saying "no, no, no, no!" And he laughed and said ok and went back into my pussy....and I actually think I put my fucking arms around him.....I stopped fighting and let him fuck me.....we were stopped though that time, thank God....if he had came and I had to live with the fact that I had sex with my rapist..........Idk what I would do....one time, he was raping me, and I tried to push him off me the entire time, but then he did something at the end and it felt really good, and I smiled, and he was like "she likes it" and I caught myself and tried to push him off me...he was about finished though. One time, after raping me, he actually asked if I wanted to do it again....he wanted to keep fucking, but I didn't want it in the first place. I actually got used to him assaulting me....and before he raped me, when he would touch me and stuff, I wouldn't resist any more, until he started pulling down my pants. And when my friend came to live with me, he tried to get us over so he can have a fucking 3some. I DIN'T WANT TO FUCK YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You stole my fucking virginity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit, and then had the fucking nerve to say "see, that didn't even hurt...all that crying," after you fucking raped me! You're a fucking pussy ass bitch! And you got exactly what the fuck you deserved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me over and over. He fucked me over and over with no fucking condom. He nutted on me so many times....I don't even remember how many times he fucked me....I know I was raped more than 3 times, and I say less than 10, but it feels like he was raping me almost every week for the first month or two....It seemed like he raped me 1 or 2 times a week every week except on my cycle, for the first 2 and a half months or so.....he prob didn't, but he feels like it.........I say he didn't rape me more than 10 times, but what if he did? I got so used to laying on my fucking back, trying to push him off and failing, that I didn't even really try that much after a while. And Even to this day, if I'm alone in a room with a horny guy, and I don't have a way out, whether I want to our not, I will let him fuck....thank God I haven't been put in that situation hardly at all though.........and on top of that, I was almost raped again at SC State........And it's sad to say, but I wont be surprised if it happens again. I'm at a point where I don't care anymore though..........fuck me or not....rape me or not.....hurt me or not..........there's nothing I can do about it. I have no control over that shit, so why care? Why does it bother me that a man will use a woman however he pleases, and there's nothing she can fucking do about it?
This world is so fucking full of shit. And apparently I'm not worth much in this shitty world, because at one point in time, niggas wanted me so fucking bad that they raped me, tried to rape me, tried to buy me.......but now, nobody even tries to talk to me anymore. I can count on one hand, how many guys have tried to talk to me in the past 5 or 6 years...every since I gained weight...........so now, since food is the only thing I can actually control in my life....since my being fat is really my own fault, I am working hard to lose weight............and when I lose weight, guys will like me again...and I will be able to finally start dating again (or at least flirting, because relationships are a no-go)........but I know that I will also probably be raped again. I'm calm and quiet usually....I've been affected by trauma already......I have big lips and curves......and apparently my voice is nice too........I may not be the prettiest or even the sexiest, but I am a woman that men like to misuse.....I hate it, but there's nothing I can do. I can't do anything about/against a man that will take what he wants from a woman.
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