Big News...

Wow. Where to start.Okay, last night I was with my best friend Josh. These past few days I haven't been feeling well and have been sleeping for like 16 hours a day. I was also about 3 days late on my period. We decided to go get a pregnancy test. When we got home, I took it, and it came out positive.Deeeep breath.Of course I freaked out. It was not expected, because yes, my boyfriend and I have sex...but not once have we not used protection.My boyfriend, Chas, is in Florida right now until the 31st. I needed him, and I needed to talk to him. So I finally got ahold of him about 4 hours after I found out. He was able to be a lot more calm that I expected him to be, but still of course scared as hell.I tried making an appointment with my OB for today but since it was such a long weekend, they are booked.  So after them pulling a few strings for me because of my situation with losing my son 5 months ago, they were able to get me in to see my doctor who was there when Josh was delievered. So my appointment is on the 6th.It seems like I'm pretty calm writing this, but I'm completely freaked out. I told my mom a few hours ago. At first she was angry, and I know she said things she didn't want to say to me...but I understand because things are hard and she just lost her grandson too. But then we talked about the things that I need to do to keep myself healthy and make sure I do things to keep myself that way for the baby. So if the doctor gives me the okay that I can do things for myself and not be on bedrest...I'm going to find a job, because I can't put everything on my mom. I need to take responsibility and find the strength inside of me to do this. Of course the discussion of abortion came up with Chas, but I know I do NOT want to do that. And he understands that.  And then adoption...and I don't think that I could ever do that either. I know he's not ready, but neither am I...but this is both our responsibilities. There is no reason for abortion, there is no way I would ever do that. I want to be able to feel some joy...but it's hard when I'm scared to death. Should I be happy??? I have no idea.I'm terrified though. Omg, what if the same thing happened that happened to Josh. I could NEVER cope with that. Ever.  I just really need some support right now.