Beunos Dios Muchachos.........

Ola.......que pasa!

no, i do not speak espanol.......still working on english.  good morning.

the newest outdoor plant baby got attacked last night.  why?  by whom?  looks like we'll need to call in the chief detective....but so far i suspect a roving dog perhaps?  i spied it laying on the ground with fresh dirt scrambled hither and yon.......swept it up and moved it to higher ground, aka a taller table. 

last night i heard a scramble and there was new kitty Mia on TOP of the kitchen cupboards.  first time that's happened in this house to my knowledge.......for all i know she may have a super cape and flies loop de loops at night while the world is fast asleep......rio is back to eating the edges off kleenex if i'm late rising to feed them.......he seems to like the kleenex brand on the nightstand more than the brand in the living room.......a pre meal nosh and chew.  meanwhile mia ...... that mia, she is now knocking over and stealing tooth picks.  there is a tiny crystal toothpick holder on the windowsill.....she steals them and plays skinny hockey sticks with them......finding them everywhere.  at night they go a little mad.........not me, i'm fast asleep these days.  so happy to have sleep at night.......the cpap headgear is not glamorous, but it's doing it's job very well.

the last two events i've gone to have been so hard.  really struggling to walk, to cope with hip, leg pain.......lower back pain.  struggling to feel safe as i move about, the need to sit more often is very apparent.  this stenosis down my legs and the pain in my groin area is a problem.  the fibro has been much worse for a long time now.......sitting on those metal chairs hurts.....the metal on the sides hurts my skin tremendously......i can't get comfortable at all.  this last time i finally got up and walked to the back, there were some padded church benches......thank HEAVENS!  sank onto one of those......but then my tummy got angry and i had a real problem.......the lunch hit my intestines and wham.  ohhhh dear.........so there i stood in the ladies room rinsing out the bottom of my pretty long skirt.......i'd suffered an accident and then the ordeal of clean up.  a young woman started to enter the ladies room but hesitated......was it ok for her to enter?  of course, sorry, i've just suffered one of those very basic embarrassing moments when you want the earth to swallow you whole.........she squeezed my shoulder and said it can happen to anyone.....not only can but has.  she was just the right amount of understanding and sympathy.  i was worried to go back out into Hedges Hall.....but she said I  had done well making everything clean.  it was a hard public moment.......i went through this once before years ago at work.  that day i was wearing a white suit......a short jacket on top, nothing to tie around my waist.  i was leading a meeting in the conference room......i had to go into my office, summon help, get someone else to take over......leave, go home, shower and change, then return.  hard to forget such a spectacular day.  but these things pass.......hard/embarrassing as they are.  i didn't tell helen........she was having the time of her life.......she was chatting and hugging and sharing and laughing........she has a contagious spirit.....very joyous. 

i'm glad to be there, but it's so difficult.  feeling so uncomfortable, too much pain.......so exhausted.  we parked two buildings away from where we were going......i've never been there before and helen forgets/gets confused.....so we're a perfect pair really!  when she's not forgetting or getting confused i am!  it made the walk in and back to the car very hard for both of us.  i use my cane, helen leans on me.....off we go.  mercy........hello ROBIN redbreast.....aren't you gorgeous......was looking in the french door at me bold as brass.......then off he/she hopped? 

about the event......it was their annual Ladies Spring Luncheon at St. Matthews Catholic Church.  they gave a raffle ticket to each lady for the 2 door prizes......a very large gift basket with lots of treats and pretties wrapped in celophane and a pretty bow.  the other gift was a handmade quilt donated by some of the ladies in their quilting group.  very colorful and telling a lovely story, all the hours spent creating this throw, so special.  the lady who won had tears in her eyes.......so sweet. 

there was a special presentation for their "Woman of the Year".......a woman who has given of herself/to her church for many decades....now to ill to be present.  her three lovely daughters were on hand to accept the award on her behalf, along with a lovely bouquet of flowers.  the acceptance speech by her girls was moving.....so moving! 

the main speaker, a lady i've met a few times named Sheila.......shared something from her childhood that has impacted her entire life.  she was molested by a family friend as a little girl.......her father made certain that the man was dealt with....that he never hurt his child again.  she didn't know how that came about......she only knew that the man was no longer a part of their Kentucky village......but she said she tucked the pain, the memories of that time away.  her family did not speak of it..and she somehow knew that she wasn't supposed to talk of it either. she didn't completely understand what had happened to her, just that she felt fear...shame, terror...  she spoke of that tucking away of things until she no longer could. 

she went on to college, met her husband, had children, they raised them.......it was always there inside her tucked in to a very deep dark place.......but in her 60's it came at her hard.  crippled her.......enraged her, she fought with depression and pain, anger......she cried, she railed her fists at God........she cried at the loss of innocence.......she cried for that frightened little girl ....... she finally met with someone who helped her get through this .......helped her find a way to grieve and cope.......to process it all and share it with her family........Sheila is now in her early 70's.......sharing her story with others.  There is a trace of sadness/pain in her eyes still...that's something I think others may not totally get.....that the pain never goes away.  It's always there.......but I also see the way she stands........head held high, eyes clear........you can see this strength in her.....she said she had to forgive that man to get on with her life.  that once she forgave him she felt this weight lift........this heavy heavy burden lifted........she felt a sense of peace come over her........i know her talk touched many of us there.......there are hard things to talk about on this earth.......by sharing we can unite us as sisters, as friends, as people.......we can stand united, taller.......find ways to cope and live our best lives.

words are powerful.......actions have power.  glad i got to hear her speak, hug her afterwards.  ......while the young people delivered out lunches they also sold 50 cent tickets for smaller gift bag door prizes......they gave us plates with chicken tenders, fresh green beans, mac n' cheese.......tiny rolls with honey butter.  they had lemonade, water and tea.......for dessert they went a little crazy!  first they delivered small plates with chocolate dipped strawberries, white chocolate too!  then they brought out plates of vanilla layer cake......the best cake i've ever had!  delicous, moist and not too sweet.......then they came by next with slices of decadent chocolate cake.....i know, right......crazy to have so many desserts in a row!! then someone came by and dropped off little bowls of chocolate kisses........somebody thought of simply everything and then gave even more!  the prizes were distributed.....no one at our table got lucky that day, but maybe next time! 

helen and i visited at her home afterwards......we were both wobbly/wonky and wiped out.  she showed me her room.......a very pretty room it is too!  we got to talking about girly girly things, so back into her room we went and she opened her closet.........so many pretty hats!  then she showed me the hall closet........HATS, LOTS OF HATS!  then she invited me into the garage......holy hat/shoe/pretty dresses all in a row BATMAN!  she has STUFF......whoa nelly!  it's a lot......it's all organized on racks and shelves......but it's so much.......forgot to mention all the purses.  wowie wow wow wow..........she has lady stuff like a hollywood star would have........every shade, every occasion.......it was a lot to take in.  made me feel like a clothing rookie.........so not kidding. 

her daughter is trying to convince Mom to downsize her collections and Mom is planning a way to have someone display all of hats in a way that they can double as decor........her bedroom isn't very big........so it can't go in there........not sure what will come of it all.....but after the tour we collapsed onto soft chairs and she was falling asleep........so i gathered up a final 3 ounces of stuffing and went on home....grateful to live so close.....it's 4, 5 minutes tops!

long journal i know.......it's only 10:23 monday am.  i'm sneezing and blowing my nose.......sinuses are eternally angry.  swollen glands......and generally tired and achy.  pretty normal, trying to not get overly discouraged.......i feel safer at home, more able to manage myself here.......the weight i put on while on steroids has got to go.  seriously it has got to GO.  my body can't handle these extra pounds.  it's too much strain for a weak body to manage.  i've been thinking about getting help with this.......a weight management clinic at our local hospital perhaps......if they can get me started, then i can carry it out at home.  i had lost 12 pounds at first, but regained that......so all told i'm carrying an additional 50 pounds.  hard to share it........my body can't cope with the illnesses plus this weight as well as it could function without the added weight.  it's a real struggle.......i had to get clothes because of this......i got a dress off ebay this week end ..... bartered with the seller ......she's selling me a $65.00 dress for $17 plus the cost of mailing, so I'm all in at $25.  Thank Goodness for EBay......your tired little chatterbox!  hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!