Between a Rock and a Hard Place... Still...

Have you ever felt that you're stuck " between a rock and a hard place ", literally ? 

This is how I've felt for the past 5 months now ! 

The thing is I have no idea how I can remedy the situation. 

If I change any part of it, I'm sure a VERY negative result will happen. Either He will do something very destruction, hurtful, and / or chaotic; or I'll have to literally go begging on my knees to my family for help -  and if I did that, it's more than likely that along with that he'll also completely over-react, and be extremely " dangerous " to say the least. Dangerous may sound like an extreme exaggeration on my part, but trust me when I say that it truly isn't one. How else can you describe someone that takes a normal life occurance, and reacts completely opposite from normal. Where a " normal " person would stay calm, and be resolved that things change sometimes in life, and we have to adjust to them. He, on the other hand, " explodes " in complete rage / anger, violence, and destruction, and lashes out at anyone involved in the situation regardless of whether, or not, they truly played a part in what happened. 

One thing he's always been very good at is putting the blame for everything on everyone else, except for himself. Nothing is ever his fault ! It's always what someone else " said, or did ", that caused the situation. It's never anything he did. 

If I ever " dare " to calmly talk to him, and explain that it's noone else's fault except his own, but he can change his actions in order to correct the problem. This sort of talk never gets anywhere with him ! He never wants to hear the truth of things ! Never ! On top of this, the person that tries to point out the Truth to him then is suddenly partly to blame for him being upset, and for the problem happening in the first place ! This is " Reality " according to him ! 

I wish he would wake up to the real " Reality ", and see things how they truly are instead of staying in his bubble of rage !

What makes all of this even worse - or at least even more confusing - is that he's not in a rage / or raging fit - all the time. There are some days, and even sometimes as much as nearly an entire week, where he's fairly calm, reasonable, and actually not to hard to get along with. But the extremely frustrating part is that I never know when those moment will change ! It's like just the surface the rage is waiting to explode ! As much as he seems to love to blame me, I have no idea what " flips his switch ", and releases that waiting rage. It's bullshit that anything I say causes it ! I know this, and yet after being blamed over and over again so many times, it's hard to hold onto my resolve. I hate that it feels like he tries to " break my spirit ", and play " mind games " with me. I'm sure that's what he tries to do, though I'm sure if I dared mention it to him he'd likely deny it. Plus even bringing it up slightly, would probably cause a huge arguement since I'd be bringing the " truth " of things into the light - right in front of his face. I'm sure that part of the reason he wouldn't like that would be since it'd be right there, so there would be no turning away from it. 

Right now he's in the bedroom taking a nap. I should be using this time to take a nap here in my recliner chair, but instead I decided to do some writing since when he's asleep - or if he's out - is the only truly peaceful time I have to do any writing. 

I've got to figure a different path for my Life. 

There's got to be a better road.