Better than yesterday not as good as the days before
So, after the initial change in meds has kicked in, and I am less prone to sitting around with the depressive playback tape on repeat, my mind is clearer to move on and do something. Problem is, now that I am feeling ok enough to do something, I still don't see how to start chipping away at the mountain. It all seems so daunting. I know I need to take it down into small pieces. I got an email from work that they're ready to start booking me again. This is a good thing. In that, I need to work, because I'm worried about bills piling up and I didn't immediately have a panic attack at the thought of going back to work. The thing is, I have a feeling going back to work while nothing has really changed or gotten better at home is not a good thing. Also, I think throwing myself back into work may be another way to hide from the other things that need taking care of at home. Just things like decluttering, unpacking....getting the general business of life under control again. I feel like I was too sick to deal with it when I got home and now that the time is ticking for me to go out again, I'm worried that I haven't dealt with it yet. I keep trying to focus on the small things I can get done, but I feel like time escapes me and I'm losing the uphill battle. I am trying not to feel bad that I still haven't gotten my eyes checked - meanwhile this little thing would make a huge improvement to my quality of life. The glasses I'm wearing are the right prescription, but won't stay on my face. They really need an adjustment - at the same place I get my eyes checked. I guess I am still depressed since well, if I could break out of this less dire, but still negative loop of thinking, I could get some things done. Maybe depression is just an onion - with layers and layers of negative thinking to get through before you hit the fresh air.