Better Day

Day 88 of 365 - Man Break
So today feels a lot better.  First, even though I was feeling down I made myself do things.  I worked out and went to the library with my son and got some banking done.  I realize that just moping around is not going to help.
It is hard for me to change.  I am so down on myself that sometimes if feels better not to say or do anything that upsets other people.  It just seems easier that way even though I am being treated in a bad way. 
I have been trying to stand up for myself in the last couple months and it has led to one co-worker who hates me and two lost friendships.  So you would think that it's not the prudent thing to do and then I realize that I felt better sharing my feelings even if people didn't like them.  I also found out who my real friends were.  I want to continue on this assertive path.  I have let others dissuade me and that is not good.  I am just not interested in being treated "less than" anymore.  I'm tired of people doing shitty things and then expecting no repercussions from them.  I'm tired of controlling people.
I'm working on getting into a better head space.  It is my pattern to beat up on myself.  That's what I have to change.  I want more confidence.  I want to really believe that my needs are as important as others.



It is really hard for me to change also. And I so desperately want to.

Considering you are your primary care taker your needs are MORE important than others rather than as important. The change of orienting around self rather than others is work and people who are counting on you for their needs will not be happy when you say... I am more important to me then you are.

Think of this... if another person can do it for themselves they he/she should be ... it is not your responsibility and it is theirs.

I used ot have a quote up that read ... don\'t do for other what they can do for themselves.

This kind of change takes time... like years. I was in therapy 5 years changing and I still am changing. The ball is rolling.

Good to hear you are feeling better. I like the way you are doing things despite the way you feel. I know from pratice that this is a difficult move. some times I am better at it and some times I fail myself . No use ragging on myself about it . Just know it is not an easy change and it doesn\'t happen every time we think it should. (((hugs))) pageo

\"It just seems easier that way even though I am being treated in a bad way. \"

I hear ya! Sometimes it\'s just too tiring or things get in the way. Like motherhood. The hardest, most thankless job on earth.