Betrayal
Where do I start? Tried to find out what time I could visit my granddaughter tonight and the stbx lays into me that everything I told someone I trusted was turned around and relayed to her. All my deepest fears and thoughts were laid out and later told to her. Hell, I could have just written them out and accomplished the same fucking thing and cut out the messenger.
She then proceeds to rehash everything all over again...what she wasn't happy about in the marriage, what he does that makes her happy, blah fucking blah blah blah... Talk about sticking a knife in my heart and turning it slowly! It upset me so bad that I cant see the baby tonight in fear I'll go off on stbx and that is not something the baby needs to witness.
Just when I thought things were getting better in my life, this past week has totally shown that it's not the case and it took me several big steps backward. I no longer care what happens..I'm back to not giving a damn about things and I know that's not the right place to be but what can I do? It's a feeling of being really alone again, a very dark place to be, a place I thought I'd left but now find myself returned to.
I'm a step away from depression, a spot that I thought I was past in January but now I find is once again beckoning me to step inside. I don't like feeling this way but I don't know what to do!
She then proceeds to rehash everything all over again...what she wasn't happy about in the marriage, what he does that makes her happy, blah fucking blah blah blah... Talk about sticking a knife in my heart and turning it slowly! It upset me so bad that I cant see the baby tonight in fear I'll go off on stbx and that is not something the baby needs to witness.
Just when I thought things were getting better in my life, this past week has totally shown that it's not the case and it took me several big steps backward. I no longer care what happens..I'm back to not giving a damn about things and I know that's not the right place to be but what can I do? It's a feeling of being really alone again, a very dark place to be, a place I thought I'd left but now find myself returned to.
I'm a step away from depression, a spot that I thought I was past in January but now I find is once again beckoning me to step inside. I don't like feeling this way but I don't know what to do!
Replies
I\'m sorry you trusted someone who turned around and betrayed you to her. Shame of that person!! I only told things to my sister who I could totally trust, but for some things, I kept a private journal. I could vent in there and never worry about information getting out.
Sending a healing hugs. Stay strong. This is a temporary setback in the journey.
I\'m to the point where I\'m fine with anything that happens. My self esteem is so low and my heart has been stomped so flat that I really could care less what tomorrow brings. It\'s just one more in a string of days that keep pulling me down to new depths. I know there has to be something more to life but I\'m not seeing it
I\'m really sorry John. People can be so treacherous, sneaky and slimy. They carve your heart out of your chest and spit on you as they walk away while you lay there bleeding to death. There\'s absolutely no regard, no compassion, no kindness, I swear these people wouldn\'t piss on you if you were on fire. Guess what John? People don\'t get away with treating others like dirt. Eventually they\'ll get exactly what they deserve. Are people like this really worth our tears, our grief, our heartache?
I thought so prior to today but now I\'m just going to keep it inside. I\'m tired of being hurt by those I loved and trusted. It\'s time to go it alone. Ex is happy with her life and knows that I\'m anything but happy so she just keeps rubbing it in my face every chance she gets. I give up
You don\'t have to go it alone, John. Just find the right people for support. Can you look into a Divorce Care class? It has been an immense help and support I\'ve received is phenomenal. Those people \"get it\" because they\'ve been there themselves. Last Sunday I met one of the ladies from my group for coffee. She was married 19 years when her husband hit her out of the blue for a divorce. She learned later that he had been cheating on her for the past 10 years, in her own house no less, and videotaping his trysts. We sat there crying and envying each other for our reactions. I wished I could have been more gracious like she was and she wished she could have been more vocal like I was. I almost forgot where I was going with this :). It helped to talk to someone who was in the same boat, well almost, as myself. You\'ll find them John. Just don\'t give up.
The closest one to me is Turlock and it started a few weeks ago and runs until late May so I\'m out of luck on divorce care.