Believe it or not...
Believe it or not I am REALLY REALLY sick of complaining. I almost hate to post on the daily threads because it feels like all I ever do is complain. But every day it seems like there is something else wrong, or something old that is still causing issues. I wish I could just look on the bright side and be happy or at least positive but its just not there.
I used to be a very optimistic person, always had uplifting things to say and people said I was so positive and they wished they could be more like me. I don't know where it went but I know the pain took it away. If its not pain its fatigue, or doctors or insurance, or relationship issues with me and bf and/or his kids.... always something.
When did I become this person? Will I ever get ME back? I can't imagine living my life as this new, negative, depressed, irritable, cranky person. I don't want to be like this but I can't seem to help it. I have an image in my mind of the person I want to be, the person I used to be or at least who I thought I was. I don't think other people ever saw me the way I wanted them to but that's a separate issue.
Maybe I need to get back into journal writing, creative writing to help me get to the root of it all. It won't make the pain go away but maybe I can get my optimism back. Its there, I can still come up with positive thoughts but I don't 'feel' it, its just empty words. One time I learned that we should 'act as if' or 'fake it till you make it', maybe that would work if I could muster up the energy and will power to do it. I dunno, I just wanna see sunshine and do something that makes me happy... not just lying around the house trying not to overdo it, which takes so very little to do.
I used to be a very optimistic person, always had uplifting things to say and people said I was so positive and they wished they could be more like me. I don't know where it went but I know the pain took it away. If its not pain its fatigue, or doctors or insurance, or relationship issues with me and bf and/or his kids.... always something.
When did I become this person? Will I ever get ME back? I can't imagine living my life as this new, negative, depressed, irritable, cranky person. I don't want to be like this but I can't seem to help it. I have an image in my mind of the person I want to be, the person I used to be or at least who I thought I was. I don't think other people ever saw me the way I wanted them to but that's a separate issue.
Maybe I need to get back into journal writing, creative writing to help me get to the root of it all. It won't make the pain go away but maybe I can get my optimism back. Its there, I can still come up with positive thoughts but I don't 'feel' it, its just empty words. One time I learned that we should 'act as if' or 'fake it till you make it', maybe that would work if I could muster up the energy and will power to do it. I dunno, I just wanna see sunshine and do something that makes me happy... not just lying around the house trying not to overdo it, which takes so very little to do.
Replies