Belief

I don't mean to venture into a territory that isn't comfortable to everyone, but I have been 

struggling a lot with my relationship with God, or my higher power. 

I am a person trying to heal from severe codependent issues, that has led to a lot of spiritual illnesses (which is how I look at my dysfunctional relationship with other people.) 

I am trying to work the 12 steps as outlined in Codependent No More. 

I know I have been trying to "fix myself" most of my life, and it does not work. 

I feel that only leaves one option, and that is a higher power. 

It's hard to trust. I am so scared to not constantly anticipate disaster. 

I am in a new relationship, that I have a lot of doubts about. In my heart, I want to move on, but I am afraid of hurting him, and being alone. 

I know it's wrong to stay in a relationship if you feel that way. 

But I believe for me personally, I need God to continue to grow and to survive, and to heal. 

My boyfriend doesn't believe in what I do, and is very codependent himself. 

His higher power, I think, is the love of his drug using friends. 

Ultimately, we're both messes.