Belated entry October 11th/16th
I'm such a slacker about writing entries for my journal. :/
From October 11th:
i just got in from being with him. We had something we had to tie up at the bank and afterwards we sat in the bank lobby and went over the paperwork that's going to be served to me either tonight or tomorrow.I was so... calm while going over the paperwork. I even caught an error, something that had been checked off as having been filled out when it hadn't been. So logical during the actual 'emergency', that's me.And then when we were done with the last page, I overflowed with silent tears (they're still there 20 minutes later, haven't stopped the whole time). He whispered, "I'm sorry" and offered to give me a ride home (I had walked to the bank since it's close). I nodded because I couldn't speak.When we pulled up in the driveway I could finally speak. "I wish that you had had the decency to just divorce me. Instead of just minutes after leaving me going to be with her. It makes me feel like I'm trash, like I'm so fucking disposable. I don't see how I'm supposed to forgive that."I looked at him with tears streaming down my face and he was the one that couldn't speak.
From October 16th:
After the date of the papers being served got moved back twice (he didn't have time to do the photocopying, then oh, he discovered that he'd made a mistake and he had to go to the courthouse first before they could be served), everything finally aligned and I was served with the divorce papers at work. Yes, at work.
Just minutes before the event I'd posted: My stomach's in knots and my hands are shaking. I'm only minutes away now from receiving the papers. :(
And minutes after it: Trying to just breathe normally here and not hyperventilate. :/ At least the tears are going away, I can do this. *smiles crookedly* I had a line of people all waiting to give me hugs and encouragement. I hate this so much. Breathe, just breathe...
After getting home after work and actually looking at the paperwork (which I was avoiding doing 'cause yeah, it was already hard enough to cope with everything and I was having to try to maintain my composure at least a little bit since I was at work) I discovered something else that just... obliterated me. I fell apart for easily a half hour.
My quote then about it: Oh hell. Fate really hates me. I actually looked at the paperwork when I got home and the likely court date is going to fall right in the middle of the first week we ever spent together, the week we fell in love 10 years ago. (We'd known each other about 5 years online before we ever met in person, never flirted or anything, just friends, so when we met it was a complete shock to both of us that there was more there between us.) Ugh ugh and double ugh. :p
From October 11th:
i just got in from being with him. We had something we had to tie up at the bank and afterwards we sat in the bank lobby and went over the paperwork that's going to be served to me either tonight or tomorrow.I was so... calm while going over the paperwork. I even caught an error, something that had been checked off as having been filled out when it hadn't been. So logical during the actual 'emergency', that's me.And then when we were done with the last page, I overflowed with silent tears (they're still there 20 minutes later, haven't stopped the whole time). He whispered, "I'm sorry" and offered to give me a ride home (I had walked to the bank since it's close). I nodded because I couldn't speak.When we pulled up in the driveway I could finally speak. "I wish that you had had the decency to just divorce me. Instead of just minutes after leaving me going to be with her. It makes me feel like I'm trash, like I'm so fucking disposable. I don't see how I'm supposed to forgive that."I looked at him with tears streaming down my face and he was the one that couldn't speak.
From October 16th:
After the date of the papers being served got moved back twice (he didn't have time to do the photocopying, then oh, he discovered that he'd made a mistake and he had to go to the courthouse first before they could be served), everything finally aligned and I was served with the divorce papers at work. Yes, at work.
Just minutes before the event I'd posted: My stomach's in knots and my hands are shaking. I'm only minutes away now from receiving the papers. :(
And minutes after it: Trying to just breathe normally here and not hyperventilate. :/ At least the tears are going away, I can do this. *smiles crookedly* I had a line of people all waiting to give me hugs and encouragement. I hate this so much. Breathe, just breathe...
After getting home after work and actually looking at the paperwork (which I was avoiding doing 'cause yeah, it was already hard enough to cope with everything and I was having to try to maintain my composure at least a little bit since I was at work) I discovered something else that just... obliterated me. I fell apart for easily a half hour.
My quote then about it: Oh hell. Fate really hates me. I actually looked at the paperwork when I got home and the likely court date is going to fall right in the middle of the first week we ever spent together, the week we fell in love 10 years ago. (We'd known each other about 5 years online before we ever met in person, never flirted or anything, just friends, so when we met it was a complete shock to both of us that there was more there between us.) Ugh ugh and double ugh. :p
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