being with somebody

I have been suggested to by my psychiatrists that finding a therapist to mull life over with

twice a month or so would probably be a useful thing for me. I am petrified at the prospect of

finding one but I see the value in it. Smalls steps forward in this pursuit.

I think also being with someone, in life, in person, in terms of a friend or partner, would probably

be good for me too. If I don't check in with someone or have someone to answer to, keeping me 'honest' (not

that I am a liar) but in terms of keeping me 'on my goals' and my asserted aspirations would be good.

When alone I tend to get so lost in the moment and the waves of experience and mood I have that

I often don't 'stay the course' - and I think if I had someone to answer to, it would really help me keep to a goal.

I so often, when I am alone, try to distill my thoughts and experience - keep things real and logical - 

and as many of you know I have mentioned I broach the idea of entering religious life - but that would only cement my proclivity to stay alone for me I fear.

It's a projection though in a negative sense. I can't know until I try it - and any course that I set for myself would include unseen experiences, social situations and requirements...along with sacrifices for what might make for a path

known in common life. Or in my life really. Just thinking about things. I hope you all have a good weekend. Peace, Mark