being 'ok with my differences'
just got back to my room after late night services and the meal
for Theophany - (a celebration) - the Greek greeting we're supposed to
say at the end of all of it is 'Chronia Polla' - which I think means "many years" or "much time" -
the Russians and Georgians were saying "Happy Feast Day!"
Anyways - I was helping out behind that iconostasis, as usual, and
I was trying to figure things out -trying to be expert and efficient at the job - like I've become at the market job - but there's still much
to learn and understand - so I was just trying to stay present and do the work as I could -
ultimately I made many mistakes - and I dipped low - I felt like I didn't fit in here - I was going south mentally just
feeling like I could appreciate what the people here liked - maybe I couldn't
understand it so well - but for me I guess one of my interests is man's emergent
self consciousness and growth intellectually as we've evolved as humans -
but I just felt awkward and not having many in-person friends - though everyone
is really supportive
- My mind went to the thought that I want to feel appreciated
from those I was working with here -
but I know I am - So I kind of just walked with that idea - I examined it - I needed to own that -
I am a man - on his own, feeling awkward and different from other men - and learning that I must cope
with that -
the thought lead to a sense of commonality - and acceptance - and so I was just starting to be ok with my difference-
and I figured other men may have to deal with that kind of lonely solitary feeling as well -
at that moment - I felt very much like a man - in commonality- and ready to give
a supporting word to my fellow guy friends in the room there in the chapel.
A little later on I twisted inside but I am kind of getting the picture and the okness that
we're all kind of winging it and have to deal with our singularity and solitude - and differences -
I am back in my room now - and just fed Blue -We'll see what tomorrow brings!
I don't have to be down to the cafeteria until 11am - and there are NO MORNING SERVICES!!!
Have a good weekend coming up.
Replies
me and my whachmacallits. . . this post, i choose to call ^it^ trivial pursuit. i plugged
"man's emergent
self consciousness and growth intellectually as we've evolved as humans"
into professor google and this is the most interesting of the search results i found so far. https://anatomypubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ar.b.10041. it kinda fits my "first language" yadda blahs.
does happy feast day include feasting for the kitchen grunts providing the feast? it all too often means extra domestic chores.
for what it's worth. it ain't worth much in catching up with my domestic chores and wishing my arthritic bones were as youthful as my young heart. just wishing. . . back to that confusing time between naps. (reality)
We are all grunts!! We all partake in me prep every day!
my monsignor agrees in his quaint irish accent.
the meek shall inherit the earth.'
Are you living somewhere else? Don't feel too divided we are all human
thanks arfie, thanks ccleaver!!