Behind the Scenes
Last night I posed a question on the bipolar discussion board regarding the social security insurance or the disability insurance. I want to know what the process is like. I was called to see their psychologist. I don't know why the information that I submitted to them seem to be insufficient. I am trying to wait on this, money is stressful and troublesome for me now. I am simply scared.
I have not seen my doctors in a long time and this coming week I am getting back on track with seeing my doctors. I was feeling great going into the start of the Spring semester and the first handful of months, but now I am feeling horrible inside and maintaining my stand on the outside. No one knows of my depression or the hurt inside of me, all they see is the manipulation of happiness that I give off in public. I am starting to get suicidal thoughts again, only in my head and nothing expressed openly or any attempt. However, every time I look at my pills I just think about taking a handful of something and just falling asleep just falling away. I suppose there are somethings that I need to think about, or think through.
I have started to talk to Rachael again, but we were supposed to go to drinks with our parents yesterday and she never calls me back and she didn't call me today. I still just need to let it all go. I need to allow her to get through her obsession with this boyfriend of hers. I don't know why I put all of my energy into her. It's useless now. And I am tired.
Though, school is going well and in a week or so I am going to chicago with the family for my bocci's 90th birthday. I feel paralyzed inside, there is nothing that stimulates me anymore, nothing that makes me excited or interested. The only thing that really keeps me going everyday is the obligation to myself to go to school, and it is not just me that feels the obligation but the obligation that I feel towards my classmates and the work that I am doing for them and with them.
I have not seen my doctors in a long time and this coming week I am getting back on track with seeing my doctors. I was feeling great going into the start of the Spring semester and the first handful of months, but now I am feeling horrible inside and maintaining my stand on the outside. No one knows of my depression or the hurt inside of me, all they see is the manipulation of happiness that I give off in public. I am starting to get suicidal thoughts again, only in my head and nothing expressed openly or any attempt. However, every time I look at my pills I just think about taking a handful of something and just falling asleep just falling away. I suppose there are somethings that I need to think about, or think through.
I have started to talk to Rachael again, but we were supposed to go to drinks with our parents yesterday and she never calls me back and she didn't call me today. I still just need to let it all go. I need to allow her to get through her obsession with this boyfriend of hers. I don't know why I put all of my energy into her. It's useless now. And I am tired.
Though, school is going well and in a week or so I am going to chicago with the family for my bocci's 90th birthday. I feel paralyzed inside, there is nothing that stimulates me anymore, nothing that makes me excited or interested. The only thing that really keeps me going everyday is the obligation to myself to go to school, and it is not just me that feels the obligation but the obligation that I feel towards my classmates and the work that I am doing for them and with them.
Replies
IF you haven\'t seen your doctors in a while....that\'s the resson they want you to see theirs. They denied me at this stage because of that very reason. You really should have about a years worth of evidence for them(or more) to be approved at this stage. THey want to know two main things, what\'s the condition and how it affects your daily life, and is it expected to last a least 1 year. If you haven\'t seen your docs in a bit, they don\'t have that info.