Beginnings
Here is where I find myself today in relation to alcohol and pornography:
In the past two days I have gone against my own will and viewed pornographic videos on my phone. I have also browsed pictures of models and porn stars. Over memorial day weekend I went over my limit of one drink per day on two separate occasions. Without coming to any strict conclusions I can deduce two things:
1. I am stressed. My wife and I are in the process of moving, and despite the fact that I am ok on the surface, the stress has got to me without my realizing. Until now, that is.
2. I am bored in of the repetitive nature of my life currently. I feel disconnected and barred from the things I enjoy. Compounding this issue is the fact that I blind myself to the specific outlets that are available because in general my life is in boxes.What am I going to do?- I am going to be more sensitive and aware of myself. - I am going to limit my exposure, as much as possible to triggers by doing the following - putting my phone away when not using it - using my computer only when needed - not having alcohol at home - preparing and being mindful when entering social situations where alcohol may be present - limiting time alone - catching unwanted behaviors and make immediate changes in environment- I am going to meditate daily for 15 minutes.- I am going to excersize- I am going to eat well- I am going to get good, restful sleep- I will check back with this journal if the behavior persists or gets worse. I have yet to reach my goal of 90 days without porn and sustainable alcohol consumption. This is discouraging, but far from a defeat. Until now I have made good progress toward my goals and have seen positive changes in my everyday life because of it. I am happy to have this moment to stop, reflect, and begin once more. I have all the hope in the world that I can achieve these goals and continue making steps toward my ideal self. I choose to leave this moment with love and understanding for myself and past behavior. Here goes nothin'
In the past two days I have gone against my own will and viewed pornographic videos on my phone. I have also browsed pictures of models and porn stars. Over memorial day weekend I went over my limit of one drink per day on two separate occasions. Without coming to any strict conclusions I can deduce two things:
1. I am stressed. My wife and I are in the process of moving, and despite the fact that I am ok on the surface, the stress has got to me without my realizing. Until now, that is.
2. I am bored in of the repetitive nature of my life currently. I feel disconnected and barred from the things I enjoy. Compounding this issue is the fact that I blind myself to the specific outlets that are available because in general my life is in boxes.What am I going to do?- I am going to be more sensitive and aware of myself. - I am going to limit my exposure, as much as possible to triggers by doing the following - putting my phone away when not using it - using my computer only when needed - not having alcohol at home - preparing and being mindful when entering social situations where alcohol may be present - limiting time alone - catching unwanted behaviors and make immediate changes in environment- I am going to meditate daily for 15 minutes.- I am going to excersize- I am going to eat well- I am going to get good, restful sleep- I will check back with this journal if the behavior persists or gets worse. I have yet to reach my goal of 90 days without porn and sustainable alcohol consumption. This is discouraging, but far from a defeat. Until now I have made good progress toward my goals and have seen positive changes in my everyday life because of it. I am happy to have this moment to stop, reflect, and begin once more. I have all the hope in the world that I can achieve these goals and continue making steps toward my ideal self. I choose to leave this moment with love and understanding for myself and past behavior. Here goes nothin'
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