Begging for friendship and breaking inside

The man I dated for over a month moved too fast in our relaionship. He put a ring on my finger about a week ago. Then, for no real reason, he got angry and made comments like "Do you want to go sit alone in your house? You never ride your bike or walk with me. You've said you're going to the grocery store to get healthy food and you have never done it. I have yet to see you cook." All these words with F--k, S--t and other words in between. He cursed me! He also accused me of never wanting to spend time with him. We saw each other everyday! I told him to come and get his ring back. I went over to his house the next day and asked him if we could still be friends. I was crying and told him I needed a friend. He told me "No, because there was too much sexual tension, that he would want to go to bed with me. He said he had plenty of friends and didn't need another one and that he was moving on and going to find another woman. He asked me why I was so emotional. I've never been told by someone that they don't want to be my friend. I can't stop crying. I'm right back where I was before. I'm having horrible panic attacks. He lives right behind me. I feel so sad. I get scared and think "What if I finally go crazy? What if I run over there and beg him to be my friend and he calls the police and they come and restrain me? What if I have a complete nervous breakdown and wind up in the hospital?" All these "What if" thoughts. I've been told to go volunteer. I am getting back in church. Volunteering's great but I just don't know how to make friends. The realization that I'm all alone again makes me feel like I'm breaking up inside. Someone, please respond to my journal. I guess I've caused the lonliness on myself. I'm so alone and so afraid. He made me feel bad about my life. He asked if I want to go sit alone in my house! I'm ashamed enough about my life as it is. I'm hurting so bad. Oh, I wish my DS friends lived closer. 



Oh, sweet Kacey. You didn\'t do anything wrong! He\'s the one in the wrong by cursing at you, and saying mean things. He\'s not worth having you! You\'re too special of a person! You need to go your own pace sweetie! You won\'t go crazy or run over there. It\'s the \"what ifs\" that get you. I live alone too, and know about loneliness. It\'s very hard for me to make friends due to my panic attacks. I come on here for great comfort. I wish I could visit you, and give you a real hug! You so much deserve it! You\'re stronger than what you give your self credit for! You don\'t need a man to make your life complete. I wish you would stop hurting and crying. You have nothing to be ashamed of! I have a hard time with my neighbors. They know I haven\'t worked in years, but don\'t know why. It\'s so embarrassing to me. I keep saying, \"keep your head up high.\" Be proud of who you are! It\'s not your fault that you have bad panic attacks. I\'m with you all the way! I\'m just a hug/message away. I know you need more. It\'ll all come in with time. Be kind to yourself. Relax, breathe, and know you won\'t go crazy!! Panic attacks don\'t work that way. I love you very much! You\'re a wonderful dear friend! I love you just the way you are. Going to church is a great way of meeting people. See, you\'re doing it! You\'re getting out of the house. Please don\'t let him ruin what you\'ve accomplished. You went to Ohio for God\'s sake! Something I couldn\'t have done! You\'re much stronger than you give yourself credit for!! Hang in there. This will pass too! I love you Kacey! You\'re in my thoughts and prayers! xoxoxoxxo

Kacey,i agree with everything that Katey says.You are much stronger than you give yourseft credit for.This guy is in the wrong ,not you!!! You deserve so much better than this,and i know in time things will get better for you,you are not going crazy,your one of the most sane people i know.I am so glad you are going to church and you need to keep doing these things and meetign new people.This guy sounds like he is not the one for you.Sweetie,don\'t give up,you have your whole life ahead of you and you are so much stronger than you think.These \"what if\'s\" is what gets to you and anyone who has panic attacks.I love you so much and i will always be here for you.You can do this and he is showing his true colors nwo,its best you know now ,than find out later.You are a wonderful,kind person and i know God has the right person for you,his plans for you are mapped out and remeber he will never leave you nor hurt you.Keep the faith sweetie.You have come so far and i know in my heart that things will turn around for you.You hold your head up high,you are somebody and don\'t let noone tell you any differnet.I love you with all my heart and you hang in there.Call me anytime and know that you have friends who really do care about you and know you are in my prayers and thoughts everyday.God bless ,love you!!! Shea.......................

Kacey my sweet friend
This guy is sooooooooo NOT worth you.
I think maybe he is the one I just DIVORCED Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Dammit don\'t they know that we would love
nothing more than to go for that walk, go to that store and shop for hours
just to be there not even for anything big..
Honey, your in actuality LUCKY!!!
Yes you read that right LUCKY!!
I am so glad his TRUE colors came out before you married him
then have to take all this abuse...
I didnt know and I did marry the sorry SOB but
that now is in the past.
The wounds he left me are not but they dont matter, what is important now
is for me to REALLY BELIEVE I can get better...
I have battled so many years but, I KNOW I bring alot of this on with my thinking.
Now, on into the battle with my own mind..
Honey thank God that you saw this now and not to late..
Your such a worthwhile person and I only wish we lived closer..
I would love to meet you as I have always kind of felt
we are connected at the hip or something * smiles *
Hold that head up,..
Love Dana

Oh by the way...
Your words to me at times have held me up
when I was sure I was going down..
Except to get better and me too so we can go shopping one day soon
Much Love Hon

Kacey my email is
I will give you my # and we can talk ok
Love you hon