Before I Explode

Finally today I got my new anti depressant. After days of not having them I could really tell that I was going off the deep end. It got to the point where my boyfriend told me that he couldn't take it anymore and that I needed to do something. Him saying that only made everything worse, then I felt like it was all my fault. I tried going back to work but I kept getting sick. The doctor called me yesterday to tell me  I need to get in this week and no later because he needed to discuss my "options" with me about my stomach paralysis. Hearing those choice of words only made me worry more. It seems like if one thing bad has to happen then a whole bunch of things have to happen. So I walked down to the bookstore and bought a book about depression and how to find a silver lining. It has a lot to do with finding God and faith. It's really helpful but as my boyfriend puts it I can talk about changing but I need to actually change. I just had to get all of this off my chest. I feel like the world is starting to collapse around me once again and i'm not ready to go back into my box. I got a glimpse of what the world is like when i'm happy and i'd like to keep it that way.