before i disappear again......a wonderful ripple effect.

hello.....how are you today?  i'm listening for whatever you feel like sharing......trying to fake out lonesomeness by watching different genres via netflix.  it's almost like going to a new neighborhood where everyone is on the street....having a life.  i can join in from my safe coccoon of cotton and be a part of things.

i just watched The Bodyguard, a limited series set in modern day London......then followed that with Alias Grace, another limited series....a maid accused of murdering two people........serving time in both an asylum and prison. 

Looking for another show to start watching today.  Yes, I am focusing on this day.  Baby steps.  I liberated the cotton off my bed and I'm washing the sheets, comforters.....yup 2 of them.......and maybe someday I'll get them back on the bed!!!

Doing things in jibs and jabs.  Sorted paperwork, but haven't filed it away.  It's only steps away.....but all I've done is the sorting and setting it closer to the container.  Silly, but these baby steps help me get things done when my energy is truly at low tide.

I went to pull the angel out from underneath the bed......Sara bought me this angel years ago.......it's very artsy and I love it.  Sara was so excited about this present that she carried it all the way from the store to the car........she was 8 or 9 at the time.  Such a sweet girl........so I get down onto the floor and feel crushing pain in my left knee.  Something is very wrong with that knee but who has the time to deal with all this endlessly silly medical stuff?  My knee has been like this since I fell on my sister's driveway in Iowa years ago.  I wonder if there are a myriad of tiny bone shards that are the cause of the pain?  Is that even possible?  It is how it feels.....moving on.

The angel wasn't there.  Where did I put the angel?   She is more primitive art angel than traditional angel....where is she?  She might be in a closet or upstairs or in the garage?  Help............

Here's something interesting you might want to check out......a place in Locust Grove, GA.  It's called Noah's Ark.  Wild and exotic animals come to live at this animal sanctuary.......they are loved, cared for, given a safe haven to live out their lives.  It's easy to google.....Sara and her hubby went there for their anniversary this year......she shared pictures and stories about the place.  It sounds fascinating to me.......time to add fabric softener, hold on.  OK good.........it's a lot of walking, so it would be too much for me, but still I would love to go......maybe someday they will add golf cart tours?  Maybe.........

Here's another interesting something to know......my infusion nurse Lisa's best friend Trisha owns a farm about twenty minutes from my house.  They board 13 horses......all the boarders came to them by word of mouth.  In April they decided they wanted to adopt a donkey.......named Buddy.  Lisa is 5' 7" and Buddy's back hits right at her waist.  These woman are calling him a Jerusalem donkey because of the cross markings on his back......and  yes, it clearly looks just like a cross.  They brought Buddy out to the farm and since then they have worked hard to help him adapt.....and come to trust them.  Last Tuesday morning I called Lisa to say hey lady if it would help you to come earlier you are welcome to do so today.  (I rarely have good mornings, but when they come I like to ease the schedule of others if I can).....so Lisa says school is starting two hours late, so as soon as the kids are off and I run an errand at the farm I'll be at your place........so then when she arrived and was hooking me up to an IV, I got to hear this lovely story about Buddy......and meet him via pics and a short video.  Ahhhhh, these stories help me relax and feel like a somebody instead of just a sick lost ish sort of person. 

So on this day as she drove to the farm she prayed outloud for this day to be the day that Buddy would trust her enough to come into the barn.  She was a little afraid as she shared about her prayer........we barely know each other, so would I mock her or encourage her or accept her talk of faith.  I felt joy, for I too am a known random endless kind of prayer ....... felt a connection to her and her need to turn to the Lord .....in all things.  When she sees Buddy out in the field she prays again......the days have grown colder and she worries about Buddy being all alone out in the field while all the horses are under their blankets in a nice cozy stall with fresh hay and oats.  She approached Buddy holding her breath, but he stood still this day, he waited......he didn't balk when she reached out for his lead.......he stayed still watching her.  With a steady gaze she began to lead him to the barn and for the first time he didn't break and run.  He didn't startle........he walked into the barn with her.  Easy as pie, as if he had been entering that barn every day since April until mid December.  What joy she felt........Buddy would be safe and warm.  Next prayer?  To get Buddy to wear a blanket for added warmth.  Let's hope that day comes soon as well.

How good is God to give me a nurse with this interesting love of animals ....... they plan to add goats and chickens and who knows what all else in the spring.  There is a farm house of the property that is inhabited by a disabled man, his wife and I can't remember if she said "other family members" or if they have kids?  So confused......but by turning the outbuildings into a stable, plus their plans to add even more stalls in the spring they have also created jobs for this family living in the farmhouse.  So great.......the family was really struggling monetarily and now some of that burden has been eased by work right there where they live.  They don't have to worry about transportation or fancy clothes.....and Lisa said the mood of this family has changed very quickly.  That they are happier, their spirt is lighter.......it's been a blessing on so many levels.  For Lisa, for her best friend Trisha, for area horse owners.....for this family.....a wonderful ripple effect. 

my chest hurts, a burn........i take prescription pantoprazole daily, but today it's not enough, I'm going to chew 4 OTC antacids in a minute. i wonder if this will ease once i'm off the cipro......?  or if something else is causing this? i've been experiencing excess mucous for two months now, so it could be an odd side effect of the infusion med maybe?  maybe......hmmmmm.

the 2nd sleep test went alright.  i think i got 4.5 hours of sleep that night.......and then they wake you at 4 am to kick you to the curb.  ugh.  grateful for the kids working it out to get me there and back,  yay my all grown up adult babies for helping their momma!

now we wait.  Booker, the lab tech sent me home with two sleep masks. one just covers the nose and the larger one covers nose and mouth.  the bigger one will be what is needed for when i have sinus infections and such.  he told me i only need oxygen for the first say half hour as i fall asleep......but the equipment is not advanced enough at this time to shut off the oxygen, it will continue to run all night.  he said that it typically takes ten days to hear the results and then medicare is contacted.  medicare sets it up for a home health aide to come to my home to teach me equipment usage......ok then. wonder how long that will be......Booker gave me no answer for how long til I get my equipment.  you'd think they would have guesstimates on how long?????? but apparently not....this makes no sense to me. if i already shared this info with you i apologise.  i can't remember. 

bruce was kind enough to run errands for me the other day.....he picked up some medicine, bread and eggs......and got me a garage door opener as mine had died.  i gave him a ten spot, a coupon for a free large pizza and a totally randon sample of dog food that some company sent me.  he's currently doing warehouse work for Publix......which isn't easy with the stenosis he has.  feel so bad for him. he has been going through interviews with a company downtown atlanta to do maintenance and repair work......it's a governmental agency so this job would mean good pay, good benefits.  pray, pray and pray for bruce.......he's in need of good stable work and i pray that he will get the benefits he needs so he can get his back, legs treated.  so hard for those without insurance benefits......

the nice lady mail carrier brought me my meds  yesterday so that's a huge yay!!!!!!!!  the dish washer is taking care of business and my eyes are crossing from typing for so long.    i've been sort of dizzy and feeling weird when i'm up......i can't decide if it's like this because i'm in bed too much or if it's because i just need to be in bed irregardless of the lightheadedness?????? or if it's a side effect from the plaquenil or the cipro or the infusion med? 

why didn't i go to med school?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? i've wondered this about a million trillion times on this journey as a professional patient.  my head hurts, my eyes are getting zoomie and squirrelly.........on a good note the pj couple working on the house across the street are making wonderful progress........the home is looking nicer than i've ever seen it.  it's looking tidy and taller......i think it feels proud to be receiving all this industrious love.......yesterday when i looked out the young lady was cleaning the garage.......then later i noticed she was dragging this huge red ladder to the roof........she got up on the roof to clean off leaves.........i was trying to pretend that i wasn't freaking out for her.  every nurturing motherly bone in my body was screaming noooooooooooo, you're there all by yourself missy..........no spotter, no one to help you if help is needed.  so there i was trying not to be a peeper creepo, but i couldn't stop checking until i saw her come down.  if this makes me a creepo then ok, i'll live with it.  i wanted to bake her some cookies and bring her a tray.  i suck, i baked nothing.......i brought her nothing.  i did however pray for her and keep an eye on her.  she is tiny.  she looks to be all of five feet high and she wears this coat that is sizes too big for her.......so the arms are too long, with the hood up and from this distance she looks like a tall version of a toddler.....those puffy coats ......hey, i have a visitor.  a tiny brown bird..dare i say it.....a  sparrow has landed on the chair just outside my patio door.  baby bird........cause it is little.  a tiny round bird with beautiful varigated feathers of so many shades of chocolate and cream.

i can feel God all around me .......it feels like my eyes are drunk.  words look crazily swimmy.......still light sensitive.....when i close my eyes i feel swirly........as if my head could simply roll off my shoulders and skitter across the rocks into the sea.  an odd sensation truly.  let's go take a nap..........your sleepy friend at sparrow cottage.