been depressed since Thursday night...and it only gets worse...

I could've killed myself this morning. I could've taken sleeping pills, laid in the tub, turn the water on, and let nature take it's course. And the sad part about it is, it wouldn't affect anyone's life. Without me, life just keeps moving on perfectly as if I weren't there. I am 100% replaceable...even to the man I loved and was going to marry. The only people my death would affect is my family...The one person I want in this life to care about me, doesn't. Even if I have no friends...even if every family member leaves me....even if I have absolutely no one else in this world, as long as he loves me and wants me...as long as he chooses me, I am fine. He doesn't compare to God, obviously. Even without him, I'm getting by only thanks to God.....but still, he is the one "person" I want in life. And I can't have him. Not because I don't love him....not because he didn't love me....but because he decided that instead of working things out with our relationship, it would be better to leave me and see other people. Now he's with another girl...and he tells me that she is just like me...that we have the same personalities...I hate it so much....I hate it when he tells me he loves me, because I know he only means as a friend....but I never fell out of love with him, so when I hear him say those words, for a moment, I feel everything is good....my heart jumps, and I'm happy....but then reality hits me, and I'm hurt...I'm so tired of everything...I just want to end it all. It's not fair. Life never goes my way...and I can't end my life...so I'm stuck here, in all this pain...and it hurts...