be yourself

I started the day feeling lousy and regretting the day and woeful at the day/hours ahead of me.

Being alone and filling the void, feeling anxiety and stress and awe struck - it's all just normal I think.

I've kind of normalized it in my head so that it's simply the nature of the beast as I go along. The day

and my place in it. For some reason, I think there's part of me that has thought to be friends with

everyone - and my 'agita' gets up in the process of fitting in. I decided today not to sweat it - don't sweat

the details, be your friendly self but not to worry about fitting in perfectly with each person you come to.

By doing that I can see more of the dynamic going on and respect that we're all doing our jobs and getting on with the day. 

So one foot in reality of my friends and family and one foot in the void of my life alone and in the world existentially.

It's interesting. Earlier today I wished I would die - now I am just resolved to keep on keepin on. I am not sure

if writing all this down is terrifically useful - but it is good to be in touch with you all. I am really grateful for this site. It's saved my life.