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I am really happy today as SS22 is moving out! He's been with us for the last month while in between apartments. I can't wait to have our beautiful basement back instead of having it look like a messy bachelor pad. YUCK
Dh and I almost split up 2 years ago when SS22 lived with us. It seriously almost broke us...the fighting was awful. I almost moved out. I have learned how much less we parents are able to tolerate when it's someone else's "kid". SS22 is a nice person, but seriously troubled (drugs). Dh has kicked him out 4 times in the last 5 years due to his drug use. He's doing better, but dh is afraid once he gets back into an apartment, he'll "go south" again. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would have 3 stepsons who are all addicts, I would have told them they were nuts. SS32 is a hopeless addict who is out of our lives and we will bury one day. Luckily, SS31 has been clean for almost 3 years, but it still makes me unhappy that dh's kids are still so emotionally dependent on their father. It's like he's all they have...due to their own bad choices. UGH
So, anyway, I'm just glad dh realized that his son living with us is no longer an option if he wants our marriage to work. After the 2 years his son lived with us, he actually told me that if it wasn't for me, he'd probably let his son live with him and just take care of him. (Can we say enabling much??) I thought I could handle dh's sons, but their problems have been almost more than I can take. Thank GOD things have gotten better. 5 years of their drug use...UGH This time when his son needed to stay with us, dh said, "I don't want him here either." It was music to my hears.
Dh and I almost split up 2 years ago when SS22 lived with us. It seriously almost broke us...the fighting was awful. I almost moved out. I have learned how much less we parents are able to tolerate when it's someone else's "kid". SS22 is a nice person, but seriously troubled (drugs). Dh has kicked him out 4 times in the last 5 years due to his drug use. He's doing better, but dh is afraid once he gets back into an apartment, he'll "go south" again. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would have 3 stepsons who are all addicts, I would have told them they were nuts. SS32 is a hopeless addict who is out of our lives and we will bury one day. Luckily, SS31 has been clean for almost 3 years, but it still makes me unhappy that dh's kids are still so emotionally dependent on their father. It's like he's all they have...due to their own bad choices. UGH
So, anyway, I'm just glad dh realized that his son living with us is no longer an option if he wants our marriage to work. After the 2 years his son lived with us, he actually told me that if it wasn't for me, he'd probably let his son live with him and just take care of him. (Can we say enabling much??) I thought I could handle dh's sons, but their problems have been almost more than I can take. Thank GOD things have gotten better. 5 years of their drug use...UGH This time when his son needed to stay with us, dh said, "I don't want him here either." It was music to my hears.
Replies
Enjoy. Sounds like you\'ve been through more than enough to me.
I\'m glad he\'s moving to his own place, but I feel really bad for the kids. It\'s so sad. In my town, there have been 6 deaths because of heroin this year. And I don\'t live in the city - I live in a little suburb - country town. It\'s so very very sad to see. Sending prayers for all of their recoveries.
Thanks, KRK and 2Getup. We HAVE been through SO much in our short 6 years together. And KRK...I am saddened to hear of all the deaths in your town. I saw a documentary a while back on how bad the heroine epidemic is in our country. It\'s just been so hard on me since my kids are normal. I read somewhere that when there\'s an addict in the family, 50% of marriages fail. Thanks for the prayers.
Gosh, you\'ve been living with a heavy load re: step sons addiction(s) and sharing a home. Making a second marriage (or live-in relationship) work must be hard enough, but adding in the new spouse\'s serious issues with children...yikes! If you\'ve made it through this much, you clearly have a strong bond with your husband, and open communication. THAT is good. I\'m so sorry for your husband, it must be heartbreaking to have all of your children living an unhealthy lifestyle. Hugs of support and strength!
Thanks iammine. Dh and I are strong people and I was taught well by my parents. You don\'t run away from the one you love when the going gets tough. Yes...I am now married to someone I can communicate with unlike my ex who was a very quiet man and as DD29 said once, \"Dad HAS no feelings.\" Well, it turns out he did as they all came out during the divorce and it wasn\'t pretty. Anyway, my now dh is a strong man, but very tired. He\'s suffers chronic pain from a lung surgery he had over 10 years ago and had an aneuryism in 2010. It was almost losing him that made me agree to marry him (the one thing I said I\'d NEVER do again). It taught us that life is short and obviously, I wasn\'t going anywhere. Would my life be easier had I remained single? My goodness yes! But, I believe God made me strong for a reason and that was to put me in dh\'s life to help him and take care of him. GOD takes care of ME. :) It\'s only HIS kids who suffer addictions. My 4 daughters are all fine, college educated, and working. The only problems we have are emotional, but even those have caused arguments between me and dh. I\'ve come to learn that arguments are healthy. After dh and I get into it, we are THEN able to talk about whatever and get through it.