balancing me
Had a nice evening out with a friend and her friend. I've been feeling a bit funny about my friend lately...I helped her out a few years ago and got her socialising with me each week as she told me she felt very lonely....and i also got her a job working me through the holidays and she earned £1000's! but i've noticed that she really keeps her distance from me at the moment....I'm not in the best of shape as in cheerful and I think she's found a new crowd and instead of introducing me she's kind of distancing herself....looking after number 1.....but i'm trying not to be paraniod. just have to accept it.
But last night her friend was in a real mess...just come out of a bad reltionship that had never met her needs....i.e to be loved......he'd lived with her but not had any sex for 3 years...went out at weekends without her, borrowed her money....killed her self esteem........and she was checking her phone constantly.....telling us 'his' painful life story like it was 'hers'...... and after about 2 hours I asked her if she had heard of 'codependency'....she asked me about it...and then it was like a light flicking on in her head and we talked and talked...
It felt ok to be helpful....but it made me feel sad to think that her stroy was like mine had been 3 times over....so desperate for love i stay in a relationship that doesn't meet my needs. I feel its such an addiction...and that scares me so much.....addiction to bad people......
addicted to checking my phone for texts
addicted to hoping he'll fix himself and come back
addicted to blocking out the crap
addicted to 'not letting go'
and then left like an addict going cold turkey......emotional, hungry, tired, shakey....really fucked up......
I've noticed I have no real stable balance...when i'm not in a relationship....I feel emotional.....crave sugar.....tired then too much energy...feel really vulnerable and scared.......I might appear stable but i don't feel it.
I think i need to structure my eating (i eat quite healthy but i might need to step it up), my leisure time, sleep, exercise..... for a few weeks and see if that makes a difference....
But last night her friend was in a real mess...just come out of a bad reltionship that had never met her needs....i.e to be loved......he'd lived with her but not had any sex for 3 years...went out at weekends without her, borrowed her money....killed her self esteem........and she was checking her phone constantly.....telling us 'his' painful life story like it was 'hers'...... and after about 2 hours I asked her if she had heard of 'codependency'....she asked me about it...and then it was like a light flicking on in her head and we talked and talked...
It felt ok to be helpful....but it made me feel sad to think that her stroy was like mine had been 3 times over....so desperate for love i stay in a relationship that doesn't meet my needs. I feel its such an addiction...and that scares me so much.....addiction to bad people......
addicted to checking my phone for texts
addicted to hoping he'll fix himself and come back
addicted to blocking out the crap
addicted to 'not letting go'
and then left like an addict going cold turkey......emotional, hungry, tired, shakey....really fucked up......
I've noticed I have no real stable balance...when i'm not in a relationship....I feel emotional.....crave sugar.....tired then too much energy...feel really vulnerable and scared.......I might appear stable but i don't feel it.
I think i need to structure my eating (i eat quite healthy but i might need to step it up), my leisure time, sleep, exercise..... for a few weeks and see if that makes a difference....
Replies
have you read any books on \"Love Addiction\" ? Very helpful to me ... you can google those keywords... I think there\'s a title called \"Is it Love or Addiction?\" Painful to admit that our cravings for affection and validation -- what we call Love -- is called something as ugly as Addiction.
You are doing a lot of the hard work. And sometimes it gets downright painful, especially when we meet someone with similar issues. And we look at them and say, \"oh my god, is that me? is that how I appear to others?\" And then we offer them advice and .... realize: \"well, why don\'t I take my own advice --since I\'m so good at doling it out?\"
I have a couple of acquaintances who has presented this kind of mirror for me. And I cannot be their friend because they are so unhealthy for me ... if I allow myself to try to rescue them every day ... y\'know?
But they are my teachers. They show me Myself. And I can take that advice for them and start to deal with my stuff head-on.
As the saying goes: \"when you are ready to learn, the teacher will appear...\"
Our teachers come in so many interesting guises...
((HUGS))