bad day craby, im hooked for sure sat oct 15,2011

well my day orf reconing is going to be very soon. allmost out of the hydros and can only get very few oxi's. im very nervoius and i cant sleep and im very mad. mostly at myself. ive went and done the one thing i said i would NEVER do thats get on the heavy pain meds. well ive been on them sence my fall in the end of july. now im going to prob have to go cold turkey sometime soon. im very deppressed, the xanex doesnt help much anymoore. im very sad today, and i still have to do my exersises and keep up with my home therapy sence i dont qwualify for p.t. or pain management MEDICAID. im lucky to have it and had very good sergon, but now im so down had too tke one and a half sleeping pills and a dose of nyquil, just to sleep for aout 5 hrs. tht is very bad. im so glad this is confidintial. im sooo worried. and allmost broke. will have to rely on sis and bro in law to support me the rewst of month. ive got myself in quit the jam. i dont know. what to do. i need help. im not  i dont think physicaly addicted but definatly mentally . ok, thats it for now. if i dont write for a few days its because im sleeping or trying nowt to be a bitcth to the good people who are taking such good care of me. so emmbarressed. ok, thats it. have to get ready for hair appt. will finnaly have cleean hair, dont care now, but i know i will later. ok, later.....