bad day and super sad.

today is a bad day. I went to get some of the rest of my stuff from our house and i found a letter that he wrote to his ex which he is talking to again and about how he missed her and couldn't wait to see her in September. she lives in another state. but that doesn't help the fact that he turned to her and that we haven't been apart but 2 weeks and already he is telling another women these things. It makes me sick and after he told me that while we are still married he wouldn't be with anyone else and that he needs to be alone to figure things out its all a lie. I am so hurt and angry. He gave me hope that maybe the space would help our relationship but he only meant our friendship.. news flash i can't be friends right now. I am still in love with you and I don't know how to let you go yet. You might of moved on cause you haven't loved me in a long time but for me I don't want this. I don't want to be alone and with out my best friend and husband. I feel stupid and foolish now that i know all this i would still probably take him back. I know i shouldn't but its how i feel. I just want to let go I want to hate him and be in the angry stage but i can't. I hate feeling jealous and like he used my hope against me. Damnit i am angry and mostly mad at my self for letting him get to me again and for not just cutting off all communication and telling him to go stick but i can't. I feel heart broken all over again. I know its only been two weeks but i can't figure out how to move past the hope and dreams of a happy ending where he wants me.