Bad day

I'm having a really bad anxiety day today.  I keep spiraling.  Since my last journal I have been given a surgery date on the 4th of April.  It is about three weeks away. That seems like a really long time right now.  I want this out of me like yesterday.  Also before I have the surgery I need bloodwork, doctor's clearence, and a tag put in so that the surgeon can find the cancer.  I have set up the appointment for the doctor's clearence that is about a week before the surgery.  They are supposed to call me about for the appointment for the tag.  The bloodwork can be done at anytime.  I am worried about the bloodwork the most right now to be honest because I am at times anemic and then I worry I won't be able to have the surgery until my levels are up.  I've looked it up online but it seems to depend on what type of surgery is needed.  I have iron pills that were given too me last year because of my heavy menstural bleeding. I stopped taking them after about a month because it was doing a number on my stomach.  I am also worried because I keep having random stomach and lower back pain.  Which my brain unhelpfully tells me is the result of the cancer spreading to my kidneys and it is already too late.  I then proceed to do what I know I should not do and google the symptoms of kidney cancer.  I have the pain and fatigue but not the blood in the urine, fever or puffy skin. My health anxiety was real bad in my twenties as this journal shows when I would record my worries back in the day.  I know better than to cope with it by googleing my symptoms because it is never something that helps.  

I wrote that a few days ago and then I was interrupted and haven't been able continue on until now.  I am still seasawing between the worst possible outcome and it might be okay.  I still have various random pain in my stomach and lower back.  And I swing back and forth between it is a backache due to ill advised lifting of heavy objects and cancer.  All my symptoms could be exacerbated by my unrelenting anxiety as well. We still haven't told the kids but will sometime this weekend.  I pray I can find the words and make this as easy as possible on them.  Please Lord help me in this time.