Back where I started

I just feel like I'm back where I started. I feel like I want to die right now. I feel like Im dying on the inside, I like it because I wont feel sad if I do, but I hate it because I will lose the love that I had. I have to let her go, if she doesnt know if she wants to be with me than maybe we're not made. She doesnt know beacuse she wants to drown out her emotions with work. She is her work, and she doesnt have and wont make time for her love. She told me this and I didnt care then, but I do now. I have so much going throughout my head. Its only these things, they plauge me with anexiety, and depression follows closely, and so does my knife. I dont know how I'm going to get better than this, I believe I will, but  might just barely scrape by, I might just barely scrape by death if I dont get better soon. All in all I love her with all my life, but I just cant cope.
 
 
Ps: And for some odd reason I have the strongest feeling of deja vu writing this.