Back to the roller coaster...
I guess I would call it sad and frustrating instead of venting, now that I think about it - no, change that to just plain frustrating... It has only been a week and I relented yet again today. The positive is that I now have figured out why I do it, and I guess that can help me. Again, for the 100+ time, I acknowledge that I don't have control, which of course I already know.. this time it will be different; I have it all planned out how I will conduct myself and it goes to h___ in a hand basket. It's ridiculous behavior on my part - though it is not a huge amount of money, it's money I shouldn't be spending!! When I am back in a safe environment in my car or at home I say what on earth was I thinking???!!!!!!! But - the urge gets so strong at times that I will do anything to get myself there & then DISASTER. i'M SO ASHAMED of myself; I feel horrible.Tomorrow I will pick myself up again and get through the day GF, GF, GF..... i CAN'T STAND THIS IT IS SO PAINFUL.Those of you that have read my messages, I was doing sooo well.... how did I get back to this ugly place again? I have to find a way out of this - I feel like a rat in a maze running around back and forth; ugh!
Replies
take a step and sign yourself out but most of all stop kicking yourself and like you said pick yourself up and start again goodluck smokeygirl
Thank you, Susiemouse. I have now stopped kicking myself. :] It\'s over now - can\'t take it back. Take care,
You have the right attitude.. you can and will pick yourself up.. Slips happen.. you just have to learn from your mistakes.. I know exactly how you are feeling - the shame and pain.. but it will pass, you will be ok.. What has helped me is to identify my triggers and then try to work on them. I know when I get completely overwhelmed about my financial situation - that is when i turn to gambling.. i have tried to put all of that in perspective and start working away at it one bit at a time.. Also - it really helps to stay as busy as possible.. I am here for you!! HUGS
Thanks, Crissy, It is good to hear that others go through the same type of thing... sure is hard for those that don\'t have this addiction to understand, so the support is really appreciated. My trigger(s) are related to my husband going out of town; he travels a lot, which I can and have accepted over the years, but sometimes it just gets to me and it\'s a means of escaping for me, I\'m sure. Lately, his hobby and work have both got in the way of us spending enough \"quality\" time together. That\'s when things get tough and it\'s harder to keep that relationship as close and intimate as you would like. Therefore, I think I get lonely and feel like hey, what the heck, then it turns out bad.
Thank you sooo much for listening to all of that!
Have a wonderful week!
SG
Crissy, I got your friends request and wanted to add you but the site wouldn\'t let me - not sure why, fyi.
I so remember those feelings...had 100\'s of them. When the addiction is in action, it does not listen to anything...I could be saying to myself \"this is so stupid, I know i\'m not going to win..why can\'t I stop\" all the while I\'m writing another check for $100! It is nuts...it does not make sense..we are good people with a terrible disease. Never lose hope! Continue on the road to recovery... one day at a time. Hugs, Sandie
I\'m am here to lend a supportive hug and let you know that all things are possible. I think we all have to find that out the hard way. I haven\'t seen you journaling lately, I will try to catch up when my life slows to 100 mph, after next Tuesday.
chris
Thank you for the reminder about journaling... that\'s true, I haven\'t been. I do go on the site and read others, but you\'re right - I need to write down my own thoughts more frequently. Thank you for the supportive hug - I hope you are doing well right now - it sounds like you\'re staying very busy (at 100++ mph).:]
Take care,
Hugs to you,
SG
I just had someone at work ask me to go with her to the casino tonight... it was so tempting but so wrong. I can\'t believe even after everything I know I am tempted... But - - - I didn\'t give in to the invitation and the desire to gamble again. I would have been very unhappy with myself, and that would cause all kinds of problems again. I hate feeling like a gumby, but this time moved in the right direction, though it was still hard...
Well, nothing worthwhile is easy, they tell me. I think gamblers (in general) think that things are going to be easy - the money will just happen to them and will solve all of their problems... not so, of course.
It\'s good to start journaling again - I feel more in tune with what is the right kind of behavior vs. falling into the fire pit. :]
Congrats for not giving in and going tonight, you showed great strength in making that decision, you\'re so right that it\'s not easy, quite the opposite for us cgs, it would be only too easy to give in and end up back in a worse place as i know only too well cos i\'ve lost count how many times i\'ve stopped and then fallen back into it again but hopefully NOT this time...Have you considered self exclusion? This takes away your choice on those bad days and it\'s the only reason i\'m still gf after nearly 1 month, but soo happy i am and YOU CAN do this..Love and hugs...Carol
Thanks,Carol. I really felt good about not going. Also, just today a friend told me of another friend of ours that also has a gambling problem - both she & her husband. I really didn\'t know it.. She got $6,000 recently from slipping on something in the grocery store (which was somewhat contrived) and she blew the money so fast it would make your head spin. I felt sorry to hear it... they are not doing well. Also, fyi I saw a Cavalier puppy, 4 months at the dog park! Very cute! Having dogs does help us also - they are so non judgemental. :] Thank you for your words of encouragement. smokeygirl