Back to the roller coaster...

I guess I would call it sad and frustrating instead of venting, now that I think about it - no, change that to just plain frustrating... It has only been a week and I relented yet again today.  The positive is that I now have figured out why I do it, and I guess that can help me.  Again, for the 100+ time, I acknowledge that I don't have control, which of course I already know.. this time it will be different; I have it all planned out how I will conduct myself and it goes to h___ in a hand basket.  It's ridiculous behavior on my part - though it is not a huge amount of money, it's money I shouldn't be spending!! When I am back in a safe environment in my car or at home I say what on earth was I thinking???!!!!!!!  But - the urge gets so strong at times that I will do anything to get myself there & then DISASTER.  i'M SO ASHAMED of myself; I feel horrible.Tomorrow I will pick myself up again and get through the day GF, GF, GF..... i CAN'T STAND THIS IT IS SO PAINFUL.Those of you that have read my messages, I was doing sooo well.... how did I get back to this ugly place again?   I have to find a way out of this - I feel like a rat in a maze running around back and forth; ugh!