Back to Good Today
I was feeling just okay yesterday, but I'm back to feeling good today. Hopefully I won't lose this journal like I did yesterday, we will see. What happened was I wrote my journal and when I got to the end where I talk about my food and stuff, I had forgotten to put in my food for the day on Spark.com, so I went there and put in my food. I forgot that I hadn't submitted my journal and shut down the computer and lost it. Oh well. It was a good journal, talking about how I was feeling and all, but it's gone and I don't remember half the things I said in there to recreate it.
So, August has come and gone. A month where I felt so good, stable, and only hallucinated a bit. I didn't know I was going to have such a good month. I'm really surprised that I had a good stretch, as long as a month and still going, so it's just crazy to me. A good kind of crazy. I hope it lasts through September and beyond as well. I'm hoping for the best but trying to plan for the worst. At first I had no idea what was going on, and was worried that I was hypomanic. Then I kinda got into the hang of it, and it seems like I'm good today as well. I was talking with Geo about how he thought I did last month, and he agrees that I had a good month. Sometimes I think I'm doing good or bad, and then I get his opinion and it's not what I expected. I think it over and either agree with him or disagree. This time we both agreed that I did good. I'm glad, and it's something I want to tell my therapist tomorrow, along with trying to learn how to let go. I think if I have some time online tonight after this is done, I'm going to look up online strategies for letting go, so I have something to bring to the table tomorrow. That is, if I can remember. My memory still isn't great, but I can try and keep it on my mind. I should mentally pat myself on the back for the great month. I don't know if it's the new meds, or what, but I'm just glad that I went to the hospital at the beginning of last month. After I got out, this good mood happened and stuck with me. They changed my antidepressant in there, so that's why I might be less depressed. All I know is that it changed me for the better.
I'm also going to try and spend some more time for myself. Yeah, I know, I have all this time for myself per se, but I don't always do things with it that I want to do. I go online at night to do my journal, because it's good for me to do my journal. Sometimes I feel like checking my comics and stuff is a pain, and other times I like it. I groan when I look at my inbox and see I have 20 emails I need to respond to, but at the same time if I didn't have these things, what would I do with my day? So I decided that I'm going to try and take a bath every day I work when I get home to try and de-stress. I took one today and felt better, even though I wasn't stressed. I just wanted to do something nice for myself, since I've been working so hard at losing weight and stuff. I did good last month for the most part... I gained one pound over the month, but I went up 6 pounds and lost 5 of the 6, so that's an accomplishment. I gained most of that weight when I was in the hospital because of the food, so it's not like I had much of a choice over it. I joined a fall weight loss challenge on SparkPeople.com and I'm hoping to lose 10 pounds over the 8 weeks of the challenge. I want to start working on my next 5k when the weather cools down a bit... it's still swimming weather here. I felt so good when I did my last 5k, that I want to do another one. I think on Sunday I'm going to start trying for my next one. I consider that to be time for myself as well, since I'm doing something I like to do.
I hope I can come out of therapy tomorrow and the next days just as good as I feel today, and felt last month. Last night I wasn't feeling as good because I talked about the trigger things, but I'm feeling better today. I don't know why, but I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to roll with the good mood. I'm not going to second guess why I'm feeling good anymore, unless I start going manic.
Food today wasn't so good... not that I ate bad things, I just didn't eat enough. I'm not hungry enough to eat my calories for the day. I'm at 1100 calories for the day and I'm stuffed. I couldn't eat now if I wanted to. I'm supposed to be at 1500 calories minimum, but I can't seem to eat that lately. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself by starving myself, but if my body wanted more food, shouldn't I be more hungry? I don't know. Tomorrow I should have an easier time meeting my calories, since I'm going to be going to Subway for lunch and getting a sub that has about 700 calories for breakfast and lunch combined. Stress was low today, mood was good and sleep was good. I got about 12 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling pretty good. I slept an extra hour that I didn't need to, but I feel good and I should be able to fall asleep on time tonight for therapy tomorrow.
So, August has come and gone. A month where I felt so good, stable, and only hallucinated a bit. I didn't know I was going to have such a good month. I'm really surprised that I had a good stretch, as long as a month and still going, so it's just crazy to me. A good kind of crazy. I hope it lasts through September and beyond as well. I'm hoping for the best but trying to plan for the worst. At first I had no idea what was going on, and was worried that I was hypomanic. Then I kinda got into the hang of it, and it seems like I'm good today as well. I was talking with Geo about how he thought I did last month, and he agrees that I had a good month. Sometimes I think I'm doing good or bad, and then I get his opinion and it's not what I expected. I think it over and either agree with him or disagree. This time we both agreed that I did good. I'm glad, and it's something I want to tell my therapist tomorrow, along with trying to learn how to let go. I think if I have some time online tonight after this is done, I'm going to look up online strategies for letting go, so I have something to bring to the table tomorrow. That is, if I can remember. My memory still isn't great, but I can try and keep it on my mind. I should mentally pat myself on the back for the great month. I don't know if it's the new meds, or what, but I'm just glad that I went to the hospital at the beginning of last month. After I got out, this good mood happened and stuck with me. They changed my antidepressant in there, so that's why I might be less depressed. All I know is that it changed me for the better.
I'm also going to try and spend some more time for myself. Yeah, I know, I have all this time for myself per se, but I don't always do things with it that I want to do. I go online at night to do my journal, because it's good for me to do my journal. Sometimes I feel like checking my comics and stuff is a pain, and other times I like it. I groan when I look at my inbox and see I have 20 emails I need to respond to, but at the same time if I didn't have these things, what would I do with my day? So I decided that I'm going to try and take a bath every day I work when I get home to try and de-stress. I took one today and felt better, even though I wasn't stressed. I just wanted to do something nice for myself, since I've been working so hard at losing weight and stuff. I did good last month for the most part... I gained one pound over the month, but I went up 6 pounds and lost 5 of the 6, so that's an accomplishment. I gained most of that weight when I was in the hospital because of the food, so it's not like I had much of a choice over it. I joined a fall weight loss challenge on SparkPeople.com and I'm hoping to lose 10 pounds over the 8 weeks of the challenge. I want to start working on my next 5k when the weather cools down a bit... it's still swimming weather here. I felt so good when I did my last 5k, that I want to do another one. I think on Sunday I'm going to start trying for my next one. I consider that to be time for myself as well, since I'm doing something I like to do.
I hope I can come out of therapy tomorrow and the next days just as good as I feel today, and felt last month. Last night I wasn't feeling as good because I talked about the trigger things, but I'm feeling better today. I don't know why, but I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to roll with the good mood. I'm not going to second guess why I'm feeling good anymore, unless I start going manic.
Food today wasn't so good... not that I ate bad things, I just didn't eat enough. I'm not hungry enough to eat my calories for the day. I'm at 1100 calories for the day and I'm stuffed. I couldn't eat now if I wanted to. I'm supposed to be at 1500 calories minimum, but I can't seem to eat that lately. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself by starving myself, but if my body wanted more food, shouldn't I be more hungry? I don't know. Tomorrow I should have an easier time meeting my calories, since I'm going to be going to Subway for lunch and getting a sub that has about 700 calories for breakfast and lunch combined. Stress was low today, mood was good and sleep was good. I got about 12 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling pretty good. I slept an extra hour that I didn't need to, but I feel good and I should be able to fall asleep on time tonight for therapy tomorrow.
Replies
Your good mood sure is lasting you, and that is great. as far as your calories go, I would think that you are right, if your body needed more, you would be able to eat more,yes. On the days that you only eat 1100 and not the 1500 that y0u normally eat, don\'t worry about it, they don\'t happen that often and I don\'t think it is going to hurt you to be under calories for a day of two here and there. Have a great weekend!
i agree, it happens, you dont consume the calories you are supposed to have and once in a while thats ok. i wouldnt worry over it a bit. i think it was the med change, you have been so good feeling and that makes me happy. i agree with the need to do things for ourselvesand for nobody eles. have a great day!
It\'s great that you can say you had a good month in AUG. You deserve to pat yourself on the back.
I hate when a journal gets lost.