back on here for a while

well, here i am again. slept a little. have sore throught, figures. its realy storming here. sis is taking a nap here. need to go out and get something to eat. its realy going to start pouring here soon. talked to son today. it allways comes back to money. told him he wil hav eto get a job. i cant take it anymoore. i realy wish he wasnt comming back, ok there i said it. i love him with all my heart, but he is going to give me a nervoius breakdown. im going to have  to try tough love. now that scares me the most. ive never been able to handle he is 26 and im realy fucked. he goes go to school, but its not nearly anoph money to get him by. he owes me so much money, thats what we talked about today. im nervouis about him comming back terrified. i have to be strong. ive never been able to before, thats why he is the way he is now. i have so much guilt aboutit. things have to change.  with him gone for 3 weeks ive been at peace at leaste a little. its a very bad sceen. ok, will try moore later...american idol finale tonight. i like them both, go crystle. think she wil win