back from the monastery, what I learned

I just got back from the monastery today. I learned a lot while being there.

It's a very structured place but it's also a very communal place for work, living

and also coming together for services. The head of the monastery is an Abbess

and I found myself very much a part of the hierarchy there. It was a good healthy

experience I think. I was looking forward to coming back home - but I found myself

really liking it there too.

As I traveled home to LA with the Abbess, as she had work to do here as well, we went

our separate ways after landing and I found myself so jazzed about being home back in California.

Sunny, warm, fun and exciting. I found my spirit refreshed and I was on a high.

When I made my way towards my apartment - and opened the door and made my way in...

I found my struggle peeking it's way back into my mind and body.

What I found is that at the monastery you are in a hierarchy of a higher power, quite literally the Abbess

too...it's structured but 'of humanity' and community.

When I am home I only have the structure of my will against and over my own energies - of my body and spirit -

and I wondered can I manage that in a way successfully now that I am at home? It kind of sparked

a rationality in me - I see how I get lost in myself and get depressed when I only have my 'body/spirit to relate to'

I get lost in what might be the absolute right way to do things - it's a bottomless pit of introspection and questioning.

I feel like this awareness is helping me not go to extremes while home. I feel awakened to a humanity towards

others and myself - but also to a kind of rationality about the decisions I am making - and the direction my mind

is going. This is still the first day I am back - but I feel like I kind of learned something about keeping a lid, a kind of

over riding rationality and judgement for what I am doing. I think I will be tested but I also feel fortified and nourished.