Baby Steps Day 11
Watching young Jessie Hillel on NZ's got Talent on Youtube and tears are welling up. But all good tears. Doing something that makes me happy.
Didn't sleep too well. A lot of contemplation of my ex and his extreme selfishness that I couldn't fully see when we were together. I like to think the "good man" inside him knew he couldn't keep on treating me so badly when I gave him so much and decided to let me go, but the truth is probably he was being selfish to the end about not being able to give me space in his head.....
The weather is supposed to turn bad today. So have to make the best use of the morning and get my walk out of the way.
I went to a Gypsy Fair nearby this morning. Was tempted to get a Tarot Card Reading, but I had enough money on me to pay for it. Then I went to a market at a Railway Station and bought books for Jacob and I, one of which was "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". Then I went to a beautiful rugged black sand beach I had never been to before. It was an awesome feeling to be able to do that drive by myself. The walk from the car park to the beach was enough exercise, so that was my exercise for the day. Next time will be with my son. I sure he will love climbing the sand dunes.
Afterwards I drove back a different way and then stopped for a lunch of Eggs Benedict. Got home and felt deliciously sleepy, so crawled into bed and napped for about and hour and a half. So great to be able to do it just because I felt like it.
Late afternoon, I went to visit an aunt who hadn't been feeling well and had a good catch up with her. She cooked dinner and I just got home in the last half an hour. Now I am watching a Talent Show on TV to see if my favourite star has won.
My aunt told me how amazed she was when she saw me just before I went to Paris - I had a glow about me she said. That was me at my happiest, so I know my being in a happy relationship with lots to look forward to was the reason. I did feel sad when I remembered how happy I was then. I shall be that happy again and this time with someone who deserves all of me.
Day 11 is nearly over and I survived. Did not contact him. I am proud of myself.
Didn't sleep too well. A lot of contemplation of my ex and his extreme selfishness that I couldn't fully see when we were together. I like to think the "good man" inside him knew he couldn't keep on treating me so badly when I gave him so much and decided to let me go, but the truth is probably he was being selfish to the end about not being able to give me space in his head.....
The weather is supposed to turn bad today. So have to make the best use of the morning and get my walk out of the way.
I went to a Gypsy Fair nearby this morning. Was tempted to get a Tarot Card Reading, but I had enough money on me to pay for it. Then I went to a market at a Railway Station and bought books for Jacob and I, one of which was "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". Then I went to a beautiful rugged black sand beach I had never been to before. It was an awesome feeling to be able to do that drive by myself. The walk from the car park to the beach was enough exercise, so that was my exercise for the day. Next time will be with my son. I sure he will love climbing the sand dunes.
Afterwards I drove back a different way and then stopped for a lunch of Eggs Benedict. Got home and felt deliciously sleepy, so crawled into bed and napped for about and hour and a half. So great to be able to do it just because I felt like it.
Late afternoon, I went to visit an aunt who hadn't been feeling well and had a good catch up with her. She cooked dinner and I just got home in the last half an hour. Now I am watching a Talent Show on TV to see if my favourite star has won.
My aunt told me how amazed she was when she saw me just before I went to Paris - I had a glow about me she said. That was me at my happiest, so I know my being in a happy relationship with lots to look forward to was the reason. I did feel sad when I remembered how happy I was then. I shall be that happy again and this time with someone who deserves all of me.
Day 11 is nearly over and I survived. Did not contact him. I am proud of myself.
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