Baby Steps Day 10
I slept well last night. First time in a long time. Writing on the discussion board helped get the overwhelming feeling of needing contact with him out of me and then I was able to relax. Got two days to myself. Want to tidy up my room and the living room which my son has got all his toys spread out. I hope the weather is going to be good to go out and get some exercise. Need to plan some meals and do some cooking. I have not been very good with that and often neglect myself when it comes to food.
It is late evening now. I have had a good day. I went to a beautiful lakeside park for my. morning walk instead of walking around the block as I normally do. Just because I could:). Then I did a bit of Christmas Shopping and then came home for a rest and to put the laundry on. Then out again to buy fruit and veges and meat from the local shops. Stopped at a new market that was starting up today and bought myself a slice of cake as a special treat.
Came home and cooked chicken and then a egg plant pickle. Now I have my son's protein dish for the week sorted and also have something yummy to add to my meals during the week. I text my friend who came and picked up some of the pickle. She wasn't feeling well, so my offer was very timely.
I tidied up my bedroom and living room and even did a bit of vacuming downstairs in the playroom. The kitchen is looking clean and tidy too. Even mopped the floor after all that deep frying of the egg plant.I even managed to do some of the lawn mowing.
I bought papaya and strawberries as a treat for myself. Tried of apples and looking forward to the summer fruit now.
I listened to music, chanted pirith twice, had a Turkish Delight Chocolate and a Jelly Tip ice cream. And to make up for the extra lollies, I went out for a second walk this afternoon.
Before dinner I went out to the little beach near my ex's house; where he broke up with me. I had spent the afternoon feeling like I really missed him and I need to find some solace. And once there, everything became clearer. I can now see him for the selfish man he was. Yes he had his good moments, but he also had a lot of selfish moments too. Probably what my therapist calls his shadow self. He also had a very different philosophy about money to me and I think that would have caused us problems further down the line. I also feel that he had control issues of which there were indications from time to time.
So no, I don't want him back. I watched a Hercule Poirot episode last thing today and know for sure that it would have been one more thing I would have given up for him or at least not shared with him. Imagine watching Life is Too Short episodes for the rest of our time together.
I had a good day and have a lovely day to myself again tomorrow. I am truely blessed.
It is late evening now. I have had a good day. I went to a beautiful lakeside park for my. morning walk instead of walking around the block as I normally do. Just because I could:). Then I did a bit of Christmas Shopping and then came home for a rest and to put the laundry on. Then out again to buy fruit and veges and meat from the local shops. Stopped at a new market that was starting up today and bought myself a slice of cake as a special treat.
Came home and cooked chicken and then a egg plant pickle. Now I have my son's protein dish for the week sorted and also have something yummy to add to my meals during the week. I text my friend who came and picked up some of the pickle. She wasn't feeling well, so my offer was very timely.
I tidied up my bedroom and living room and even did a bit of vacuming downstairs in the playroom. The kitchen is looking clean and tidy too. Even mopped the floor after all that deep frying of the egg plant.I even managed to do some of the lawn mowing.
I bought papaya and strawberries as a treat for myself. Tried of apples and looking forward to the summer fruit now.
I listened to music, chanted pirith twice, had a Turkish Delight Chocolate and a Jelly Tip ice cream. And to make up for the extra lollies, I went out for a second walk this afternoon.
Before dinner I went out to the little beach near my ex's house; where he broke up with me. I had spent the afternoon feeling like I really missed him and I need to find some solace. And once there, everything became clearer. I can now see him for the selfish man he was. Yes he had his good moments, but he also had a lot of selfish moments too. Probably what my therapist calls his shadow self. He also had a very different philosophy about money to me and I think that would have caused us problems further down the line. I also feel that he had control issues of which there were indications from time to time.
So no, I don't want him back. I watched a Hercule Poirot episode last thing today and know for sure that it would have been one more thing I would have given up for him or at least not shared with him. Imagine watching Life is Too Short episodes for the rest of our time together.
I had a good day and have a lovely day to myself again tomorrow. I am truely blessed.
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