aye, still here still here
Well its almost Thursday and by luck I still have my job. Have NO idea how the hell I didnt get pulled up after that escapade on Sunday. I totally fucked up. I am so paranoid now at work. Whenever the boss comes questioning us about things whether its a banking error, something he's looking for, just anything, I always feel the need to own up and say it was me! I just feel so paranoid that it is me who's made the mistake yet again. Guess I'm getting too used to all the times I've fucked up. Which really is my own fault. This week I've been in Lab/float so not stuck in reception - which was good to get a change, quite enjoyed it, but at the same time I want the hell out of there. It's the people. Sometimes I feel like I can get on quite well with them but then deep down I always know they are not what they seem. I know for a fact that they talk about me. How does this make you feel, utter shit, its not school anymore, I'm 21 years old not a kid anymore, I am not that stupid either I can actually hear things and sus things out not like I'm totally oblivious to what goes on around me! It's stupid things, take yesterday for example. I cleaned out the office and our fridge, I threw out all the food that was out of date, including the smallest quarter sliced size of pizza you'd ever seen, I thought it was out of date, didn't think for one minute that someone would have that for lunch. So it was gone. Lunch time came and heid the baw (Clare) was like "did you fling ma pizza out!" So I explained exactly what I said about - that I thought it was out of date. She insisted it was alright not to worry about it. So she went downstairs and I could hear her blabbing her fat arse off about how "shes flung ma pizza out, ma lunch I cant believe it!" then snigger fucking snigger, ha fucking ha. Woop de fucking do, it was a pizza get a GRIP! It was her tone she was completely raging. And thats all everyone went on about for the day, give me a fucking break. It was so damn rediculous all that over a damn pizza, may I had a very SMALL pizza christ the lassie would need 10 LARGE pizza's to fill her gut! I just hate the place. They have something to say for everything. It's like I can't say or do anything without it being gossiped about. The place does ma tits in.
Replies
this sounds like a place that is driving you nuts, why dont you leave? if its like this for you, im sorry things seem really hard, it should be easier for you because you want to do the job so much. i think your doing well, you masybe need to believe in yourself more, if people get on your back, let them, you just do your job. head up, your doing a good job. xxx
I wish I could just leave but I can\'t, I need the money and its so hard trying to find something else. I am looking but having no luck and theres no point leaving until I find something. Guess I just have to keep trying for the time being =/ still can\'t pretend I love the place
you have to just find a way of gettin through it, just getting lost in your work meaning that, your so used to what you do, it just becomes natural for you, good luck if you are finding a new one. xxx