Awful Dream
The night before I found the conversation my husband was having online with a 15 year old, I had a dream that a gorgeous young girl told me he'd been flirting with her, and that she had shown him dirty pics of herself. I had told him about the dream, and of course, he said that was crazy- why can't I just trust him? He'd never give another girl the time of day- so in love was he. Well, last night I had another awful one- he'd moved on. It'd just sort of "happened." A gorgeous young girl (must they always be attractive and young?) I was preparing to burn his belongings, but needed the help of my dad, as I don't know how to build a fire. My dad seemed happy to help. Somehow I got sidetracked- went to get my hair done, told the stylist all about it whilst she combed through my hair. She was supposed to dye and cut it, but I realized midway that I had just had my hair done. Went along to tell more people my story. I think a few things are clear:
He will be seeing someone soon. I will feel utterly devastated.
She will be young and gorgeous.
I absolutely need to get his things out of the house. They are not safe here, and if I lose my cool I will likely do something irrational.
It is imperative that I keep my cool. I know how this will play out. I mustn't be surprised. My psyche is preparing me for the heartache to come. I must be grateful to have this head start.
I've been a bit shocked at how he is not quite as eager as I would expect him to be when it comes to visiting the kids. He is clearly enjoying his break. He is not the father I thought he was. He is rediscovering the single life. No responsibilities. This is very dangerous for a man as sick as he is.
Important steps-
We must come to an agreement about money. I don't want to know where his is being spent, and I don't want him to know what I'm doing with mine. As long as the bills are paid and we are taken care of, that is all that matters. It is not healthy for me to have to check up on him, then wonder what he was doing at these places.
Again, I must get his things out of the house. It will be nice to have more closet space. Even nicer to not have reminders of him.
I am taking this better than I would expect myself to. I gave away so much of my power to him, and he just thought less of me for it. Come to find out, I am an extremely responsible, competent, capable, attractive woman. He will see this one day, but it won't be what he wants. He wants a young naive girl that will be at his beckon call, worship him, and not think for herself. At least, he thinks he wants that. Who knows. But I pity the next girl who falls for him.
He will be seeing someone soon. I will feel utterly devastated.
She will be young and gorgeous.
I absolutely need to get his things out of the house. They are not safe here, and if I lose my cool I will likely do something irrational.
It is imperative that I keep my cool. I know how this will play out. I mustn't be surprised. My psyche is preparing me for the heartache to come. I must be grateful to have this head start.
I've been a bit shocked at how he is not quite as eager as I would expect him to be when it comes to visiting the kids. He is clearly enjoying his break. He is not the father I thought he was. He is rediscovering the single life. No responsibilities. This is very dangerous for a man as sick as he is.
Important steps-
We must come to an agreement about money. I don't want to know where his is being spent, and I don't want him to know what I'm doing with mine. As long as the bills are paid and we are taken care of, that is all that matters. It is not healthy for me to have to check up on him, then wonder what he was doing at these places.
Again, I must get his things out of the house. It will be nice to have more closet space. Even nicer to not have reminders of him.
I am taking this better than I would expect myself to. I gave away so much of my power to him, and he just thought less of me for it. Come to find out, I am an extremely responsible, competent, capable, attractive woman. He will see this one day, but it won't be what he wants. He wants a young naive girl that will be at his beckon call, worship him, and not think for herself. At least, he thinks he wants that. Who knows. But I pity the next girl who falls for him.
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