Awful.

   Enough already! I'm already not getting things that need to get done, and by the time I get the few stupid housewife/mother stuff that I can do done, I have Nothing Left for quality time for my daughter.    And I'm just f***ing tired of feeling BAD. ENOUGH ALREADY! I spent three..no, almost 4 days last week going through the whole gamut of physical, mental, and emotional garbage....and now I wake up today, and it's starting again (okay, okay...it may not last 3 days this time....it may not even last the whole day...but then again, it MIGHT!   J's been in bed with the flu for the past 4 days. I have to say that it is kind of refreshing that someone else gets incapacitated for a change, but it also means that he's no support for me right now. In fact, I'm nursing him (and you know how men are as patients).   Oh, god, there it goes....That Feeling. It starts with the stomach twisting into a knot and the blood running cold, followed immediately by clamminess, anxiousness, then, if I'm not careful, despondency and depression. Actually, I'm already close to tears...maybe if I can just get a good cry in....One of the problems with That Feeling is that it's similar to the aura I get just before a seizure, so everything in my mind and body goes to red alert and I have to be ready to deal with it if that's what it turns out to be, or turns into. The f***ing stress is incredible.   J desperately needs to find a job (I think part of this flu has been the stress he's experiencing in that area). He's going to work and not making any money at all; car sales isn't exactly booming right now. He's staying home again today, but he seems to be feeling not so bad, so maybe he'll work on his resume. And I could really use him today to keep L somewhat occupied and to maybe provide me with a shoulder for crying on.   On top of everything, I am always amazed at how emotionally needy I get. I really need hugs and to be patted on the head (literally and figuratively) and to have my back rubbed or my feet rubbed.....all of it. I starve for physical affection and encouragement.    Oh, crap, there goes the stomach again. I've been having severe cramps in the lower left abdomen one and off for 3 days now (maybe the damn fibroids are joining in the fun).  Here's hoping you have a better day than I am. If I get better, I'll get back on later and go through my inbox and read the things all you nice people have sent me. Right now, I can't.