august 23 2016
today i met a really cool girl, she really understands me.i wish there was more people like her in the world. i have friends i have people that love me yet i feal so alone i dont get it. and i just sit back and and observe while i hear someone make fun of depression. what is society right now, yes i understand not everyone understands what depression is but if you dont understand it dont talk about it like really. sometimes i feel like there are two sides to me one thats rainbows and sunshine and the other thats black and storm clouds but still yet they are both crazy. i pray and i believe i read the bible but u know 14 years is a long time to wait for someone to respond or show atleast a sign ive just lost hope. ive been raised to beleive and i do its just hard when i destroy the thing he apparently made with cuts and scars.
Replies
Ywah. I also prayed for a long time in my life but it doesn't seem someone out there can hear me...
yep
Cutting yourself is really counterproductive. I know it's emotional and stuff but it really is counterproductive. the trick to depression is to find how to get through the bad times. I used to find lying on the couch listening to heavy metal was very effective. Strong loud music. Back in those days that meant you actually turned the stereo up so the walls shook; but hey, back in those days deff leppard was cutting edge. :D Still I recommend listening to something filled with hate when you have a bad day. There's still some good stuff out there, rat in a cage has to be my favourite when I really want to wallow.
:)
Think about what the cutting does for you....what do you get out of it? Does the pain remind you that you are still alive, no matter how bad you feel? whatever the cause, If you can figure out what you get out of it, then maybe you can replace it with a more productive behavior. Big Hugs to you my friend :)
Back when i was in school i was known as the boy who wanted to be alone. I was the boy up against a chain link fence away from everyone. I was against a chain link fence because i couldn't trust anyone because of what i have been through. Oh girls would come up to me and sit with me but i felt sympathy and kept mostly quiet and i know they were just trying to help be more involve. All i wanted is to feel normal. I can go on and on. One day at therapy i meet a wonderful gale. We were both waiting for rides but had time to spare. We started to talk and never stopped. My ride came first before hers but she was waiting for a taxi i was waiting for a limo ( Livery Service ) I told her forget your taxi i will take you home. A very long story short, we dated for a while and now today she is my wife. Holding onto hope and keeping dreams and what you want in life, the dream can come true.
Scott