August 1

It's my mother's birthday today!  I worry about her, but I've decided to avoid the trap of trying to change her.  She has very self-destructive habits, but until she wants to change, I can't help her.  If the day comes when she asks me to help her, I will help her, I'm just afraid it will be too late...I'm afraid she may follow in her mother's footsteps and get breast cancer...but not good to dwell on that! I didn't wake up at sunrise this morning, but rather I awoke at moonrise, and couldn't sleep!  By the time I got back to sleep, I woke up again at my usual time.  But, I know all too well that creating new habits takes time, so I'll try again tonight! I realized finally something that I've 'known' for awhile - if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.  I have some serious patterns that need to be addressed in my life, so I'm trying to shake things up a bit.   I'm surviving this by not being hard on myself, and recognizing how far I've come!  I had the opportunity to reflect upon that when I went to a family gathering in July...my sister asked me what I was planning to bring, and when I said a rice salad, she said she 'hoped I might bring something that people would eat' (!)  So, that day I just went to the grocery store and bought a bucket of potato salad for them.  They had chips and pop, hotdogs and hamburgers...potato salad and pasta salad.  I had some of the pasta salad and ate weeds out of their yard:) I knew well enough to have eaten before I went! That was a great opportunity to see how much my diet has improved over the years.  And it sure didn't happen overnight. I am grateful for the mirror that reflects myself back to me in everyone I meet.... Namaste