At work and feel like shit!!
Well, this is a 1st, I'm on here @ work. I'm at work & I feel like shit. I've already cried... I feel like the world is happening and I am not doing anything.
Therapy yesterday was a mess. I am not sure if he understands the ramification of what I feel or I guess it is his job to make me feel better. Idk, but I felt like I was on the Twilight Zone episode. I feel like something is Wrong with me.... or I'm just lazy, too say, too lonely or something, because I can come in here and work and fake smile with these assholes but I cannot function outside of here.
Like we discussed yesterday, I need to BE motivated or "fake it until I make it", I am not sure if that will work for me, I am a real person with real feelings and I don't think faking happiness is the answer to my issues.
So I tried to explain to this man yesterday that I have not happy since 2008, so it is a hard emotion to fake or overcome.
Today, I wished to see my Mother or talk to her, but knowing my Mother the way I do, she would suggest pray, Jesus and church. However, I have been doing the Jesus and prayer, and this past weekend I went to church. I felt a little better. I have been on POF and not laying in my bed. I'm being social through this site and having conversations with guys in hopes to find someone for me. I don't think Im ready to date, but my profile says that I am, lol. And yesterday, my Therapist try to make me seem like an alcoholic. I like to drink wine and not everyday. I do not think that I am self-medicating my problems. But after a long day of working hard and a long drive home I want a glass of guilt free wine!!! and if a glass turns into a bottle, than I'M GROWN! and if that bottle turns into several bottles, than leave me alone!! He need to focus on the reason why I'm there. I'm depressed, sad and lonely.
I miss my Mother today because I don't have anyone to talk to about these issues and they will completely understand.
I miss my cousin today because (lol) my car is acting out and I need his advise. I miss my cousin today because he was too young to go in the first place. I miss him because I wish he had another chance to make things better for him.
I miss my Uncle George, because Seinei needs him, she still has a lot of growing up to do and she cannot do it alone. I miss my Uncle George today because my Aunt Sarah has been through soo much as is... at least give her a mate to help deal with all of this.
I miss my Grandmother, but I realize that she was older and it was her time. She has done so very much with her life.
I'm not sure if he understands me and I don't want to reexplain my feelings to another stranger. But I'm not staying through this shit for too long. I need help not another problem.
I'm Bitchy, and tired.Sleep is something that I have not been getting enough of... I need to start out earlier than I have been doing.
Oh before I go, I have plans to go to the gym.
And as I mentioned everyone is busy, thus I am alone. This reminds me of Mommy and how she had to do things alone, because her sisters were busy and married.
Well, it's time to go back to work.... thanks for lunch.
Therapy yesterday was a mess. I am not sure if he understands the ramification of what I feel or I guess it is his job to make me feel better. Idk, but I felt like I was on the Twilight Zone episode. I feel like something is Wrong with me.... or I'm just lazy, too say, too lonely or something, because I can come in here and work and fake smile with these assholes but I cannot function outside of here.
Like we discussed yesterday, I need to BE motivated or "fake it until I make it", I am not sure if that will work for me, I am a real person with real feelings and I don't think faking happiness is the answer to my issues.
So I tried to explain to this man yesterday that I have not happy since 2008, so it is a hard emotion to fake or overcome.
Today, I wished to see my Mother or talk to her, but knowing my Mother the way I do, she would suggest pray, Jesus and church. However, I have been doing the Jesus and prayer, and this past weekend I went to church. I felt a little better. I have been on POF and not laying in my bed. I'm being social through this site and having conversations with guys in hopes to find someone for me. I don't think Im ready to date, but my profile says that I am, lol. And yesterday, my Therapist try to make me seem like an alcoholic. I like to drink wine and not everyday. I do not think that I am self-medicating my problems. But after a long day of working hard and a long drive home I want a glass of guilt free wine!!! and if a glass turns into a bottle, than I'M GROWN! and if that bottle turns into several bottles, than leave me alone!! He need to focus on the reason why I'm there. I'm depressed, sad and lonely.
I miss my Mother today because I don't have anyone to talk to about these issues and they will completely understand.
I miss my cousin today because (lol) my car is acting out and I need his advise. I miss my cousin today because he was too young to go in the first place. I miss him because I wish he had another chance to make things better for him.
I miss my Uncle George, because Seinei needs him, she still has a lot of growing up to do and she cannot do it alone. I miss my Uncle George today because my Aunt Sarah has been through soo much as is... at least give her a mate to help deal with all of this.
I miss my Grandmother, but I realize that she was older and it was her time. She has done so very much with her life.
I'm not sure if he understands me and I don't want to reexplain my feelings to another stranger. But I'm not staying through this shit for too long. I need help not another problem.
I'm Bitchy, and tired.Sleep is something that I have not been getting enough of... I need to start out earlier than I have been doing.
Oh before I go, I have plans to go to the gym.
And as I mentioned everyone is busy, thus I am alone. This reminds me of Mommy and how she had to do things alone, because her sisters were busy and married.
Well, it's time to go back to work.... thanks for lunch.
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