At night

some nights I'm afraid to close my eyes, because I'm afraid that If I open them, the faces I see in my head will be there in real life. 

Some nights I'm afraid to fall asleep, because I wish I wouldn't wake up. I'm afraid one day my wish would come true. 

Some one nights I lay in bed and picture how much better their lives would be if I took off. Eventually they'd find happiness, he'll fall in love with the right woman who will be better for them all, better than I am. 

Some nights i just lie awake next to him, listening to him breathe. Listening for the next cry or fuss from the boys. 

Some nights I'm so exhausted that as soon as I lay my head down I'm out cold, until the nightmares start, the baby starts crying, or I just randomly wake up and can't get back to sleep. 

Some nights suck! But a lot of days suck too.