At long last
At long last, I am scheduled for the double masectomy/top surgery. I go in for it on the 27th of this month, and will be spending a few days in the VA hospital afterward. My biggest problem is finding someone to cat-sit for me, as I am still new to the neighborhood I moved into.
Well, that and not having anyone to stay with me for the first two weeks after I get home. But I'll live. I'll just have to take things slow and do what I can until I get healed up enough to do everything else.
The friend who had said she could stay with me just got a new job - she starts on Monday, just days before my surgery - so she can't come be with me - it's 12 hour shifts in a local manufacturing plant. My mother is spending the summer baby-sitting her granddaughter - about 9 years old, I think - and can't travel to be with me. My sister-in-law who lives with my mother can't come because she's baby-sitting HER four grandkids. So, the timing is bad; but I'm going for it while the opportunity is here. Otherwise, it could be a year or more before I can get it rescheduled at the VA.
My older sister can't come because she lives 4 hours away, and is working full time as a social worker in the western part of the state. That leaves three older brothers.... who would rather die than come stay with me and help change bandages. The remaining sister-in-laws both work full time - and one of them I wouldn't trust to be helpful anyway.
Good thing being a Marine taught me to depend on myself and to get things done despite the pain.
With luck, everything will heal properly - and quickly - and I will soon be free to live my life as the man I have always been inside!
Just got to remember to take things slow and easy.
I even re-organized my kitchen so I could reach things without having to reach up or down.
On another, related note - I have spoken with the Social Security office, and in order for them to change my gender on my SSN and birth certificate, I MUST undergo the bottom surgery. However, I can legally change my name at any point in time, and thus use my chosen name legitimately - and it would be connected to my SSN, and driver's license, too. So, I can wait on the bottom surgery until they make improvements in technique, and still use my male ID while waiting. I just won't be legally male gendered until after.
For now, as long as I can legally use my male name, that's fine with me. I may not ever be able to afford the bottom surgery - the VA certainly WILL NOT do that for me - but most people would rather assume a person is the gender they APPEAR to be, so it's not a big deal right now.
I'm looking forward to getting the top surgery done - in as much as the VA will do it. Double masectomy,... not exactly the same thing, I know - but it's the best I can get at this point. Plus, once I'm healed, I get to start on testosterone. Maybe that will help me build up some pectoral muscles a little, so my chest will look more normal. I have an exercise program ready to begin once I've healed, not to become a weight lifter, but to get myself into better shape and a slightly more masculine build. Nothing overboard.
I got a new haircut - and it has helped my mother to see me as more masculine now. One of my brothers teases me about my beard - thicker than he could grow - and talks to me about different styles of beard I should try. Mom teases and asks if I plan to wax my moustach into a handlebar style, and can't keep from touching the growth on my chin when I visit her.
One of my cats insists on washing my beard every night - at about 3AM. I guess he's expressing affection by grooming me; either that or I need to comb out the crumbs better. It's about 3 inches in length(beard hair is) already - and I'm NOT on testosterone yet. Plus, I trimmed about 1/2inch off to tidy it up.
The doctors all figure I'm intersex; no genetic testing done yet, but everything else has been ruled out already. Hormones still register as borderline normal for a female who's had a total hysterectomy; no cancer or tumors or thyroid problems to cause the rampant male hair growth patterns. Even while I was on female hormones after surgery, I still had rampant facial hair growth. I mean, shave in the morning and have 5 o'clock shadow by 3pm.
I guess now I should be glad - my gender specialist says most FTM's would kill for facial hair like I have naturally growing. I will admit it has helped smooth my transition as far as public reaction goes. I look more male, so I'm accepted more readily as male. That should improve more once my chest no longer sports breasts. Of course, then I'll look fatter, as there won't be a "top shelf" to balance out my belly rolls. *sigh* More incentive to loose the excess weight.
I'm really looking forward to getting through this round of surgery and recovery.
Who knows, maybe by next summer, I can wear swim shorts and go into the public pool as a male. Yes, I'll have scars on my chest; but not breasts.
I have a whole new life waiting ahead for me. I just have to survive the steps to get there and claim it. And after the 27th, I'll be one huge step closer!
Well, that and not having anyone to stay with me for the first two weeks after I get home. But I'll live. I'll just have to take things slow and do what I can until I get healed up enough to do everything else.
The friend who had said she could stay with me just got a new job - she starts on Monday, just days before my surgery - so she can't come be with me - it's 12 hour shifts in a local manufacturing plant. My mother is spending the summer baby-sitting her granddaughter - about 9 years old, I think - and can't travel to be with me. My sister-in-law who lives with my mother can't come because she's baby-sitting HER four grandkids. So, the timing is bad; but I'm going for it while the opportunity is here. Otherwise, it could be a year or more before I can get it rescheduled at the VA.
My older sister can't come because she lives 4 hours away, and is working full time as a social worker in the western part of the state. That leaves three older brothers.... who would rather die than come stay with me and help change bandages. The remaining sister-in-laws both work full time - and one of them I wouldn't trust to be helpful anyway.
Good thing being a Marine taught me to depend on myself and to get things done despite the pain.
With luck, everything will heal properly - and quickly - and I will soon be free to live my life as the man I have always been inside!
Just got to remember to take things slow and easy.
I even re-organized my kitchen so I could reach things without having to reach up or down.
On another, related note - I have spoken with the Social Security office, and in order for them to change my gender on my SSN and birth certificate, I MUST undergo the bottom surgery. However, I can legally change my name at any point in time, and thus use my chosen name legitimately - and it would be connected to my SSN, and driver's license, too. So, I can wait on the bottom surgery until they make improvements in technique, and still use my male ID while waiting. I just won't be legally male gendered until after.
For now, as long as I can legally use my male name, that's fine with me. I may not ever be able to afford the bottom surgery - the VA certainly WILL NOT do that for me - but most people would rather assume a person is the gender they APPEAR to be, so it's not a big deal right now.
I'm looking forward to getting the top surgery done - in as much as the VA will do it. Double masectomy,... not exactly the same thing, I know - but it's the best I can get at this point. Plus, once I'm healed, I get to start on testosterone. Maybe that will help me build up some pectoral muscles a little, so my chest will look more normal. I have an exercise program ready to begin once I've healed, not to become a weight lifter, but to get myself into better shape and a slightly more masculine build. Nothing overboard.
I got a new haircut - and it has helped my mother to see me as more masculine now. One of my brothers teases me about my beard - thicker than he could grow - and talks to me about different styles of beard I should try. Mom teases and asks if I plan to wax my moustach into a handlebar style, and can't keep from touching the growth on my chin when I visit her.
One of my cats insists on washing my beard every night - at about 3AM. I guess he's expressing affection by grooming me; either that or I need to comb out the crumbs better. It's about 3 inches in length(beard hair is) already - and I'm NOT on testosterone yet. Plus, I trimmed about 1/2inch off to tidy it up.
The doctors all figure I'm intersex; no genetic testing done yet, but everything else has been ruled out already. Hormones still register as borderline normal for a female who's had a total hysterectomy; no cancer or tumors or thyroid problems to cause the rampant male hair growth patterns. Even while I was on female hormones after surgery, I still had rampant facial hair growth. I mean, shave in the morning and have 5 o'clock shadow by 3pm.
I guess now I should be glad - my gender specialist says most FTM's would kill for facial hair like I have naturally growing. I will admit it has helped smooth my transition as far as public reaction goes. I look more male, so I'm accepted more readily as male. That should improve more once my chest no longer sports breasts. Of course, then I'll look fatter, as there won't be a "top shelf" to balance out my belly rolls. *sigh* More incentive to loose the excess weight.
I'm really looking forward to getting through this round of surgery and recovery.
Who knows, maybe by next summer, I can wear swim shorts and go into the public pool as a male. Yes, I'll have scars on my chest; but not breasts.
I have a whole new life waiting ahead for me. I just have to survive the steps to get there and claim it. And after the 27th, I'll be one huge step closer!
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