At a crossroads...
Strange as it might seem, I don't hate him. I haven't hated him at any point during this. Hurt, betrayed, disillusioned, sad, depressed, raw, bleeding...but I never actually hated him or had it really even occur to me to do so. Because through all of it I still loved him. I still do, really and truly love him. I don't think I really knew what it was to love so unconditionally before this. I'm at a crossroads, one that will decide the sort of person I am in the very depths of my being. And I choose not to hate. I won't say I'm not mad sometimes, or resentful, because I do feel those things. I'm not a saint, I'm not perfect. But I won't hate.
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I feel the same way... I don\'t hate my husband for what he has done. I don\'t know if that will change..people tell me to get angry but I miss him and us and I love him still and I can\'t stop crying. I don\'t know if that will change... but right now I just want us back
I understand so much about wanting \'us\' back. I was going through more of our life earlier, sorting it into two piles, one his, one hers which is so... depressing, and I came across his copy of \"The Velveteen Rabbit\". Way back in the first year of our marriage we had spent part of a rainy afternoon curled up together taking turns reading aloud to each other. Partway through it just gets sad and we both kept getting all emotional and could hardly finish our paragraph. We we both in tears by the end and laughed at each other and kissed away the tears.
I, of course, burst into tears when I found the damn book and then read through it. Not sure if I was re-living or trying to exorcise the memory but I was in tears by the end, and doing the stupid apologizing/bargaining thing which won\'t change anything anyway but oh, right then I just wanted it all to end and be a bad dream from which I could just wake up. :(
I honestly feel both. Love and hate for my husband. I love the good part of him, hate the bad side that betrays me. That memory u just shared made me want to cry. :(
Trust me blondie, the memory of it makes me want to cry too. Heck, for years whenever we\'d bring it up both of us would choke up just remembering when we read it. It was sweet and sad and silly, the sort of thing you do with someone you really love.
Possibly selfish of me but I kept the book. I couldn\'t bear the thought that just maybe they might read it together. She might have him now but I will not let her have my memories too.
We had all been friends once upon a time, for about 7 years. The four of us, with the addition of her boyfriend (whose heart she broke too). We went to movies together, concerts, celebrated birthdays together, lots of things. Heck, just two days before The Bomb the four of us had road tripped to San Francisco for a concert and no one would ever have suspected a thing. We had strangers do the \'awww, you guys are just so cute together\' to both couples more than once on that trip even. Seriously, it was so completely surreal to go from that to \'I want a divorce\' just two days later. >.